


Welcome Home Clit Butter

by IronBabey, SammyWitchy



Category: Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Young Avengers (Comics)
Genre: Angst??? In OUR crack fic????, Chaos, Choaotic Avengers, Dad Cint Barton, Deaf Clint Barton, Don't question anything, F/F, F/M, Group chat, Harley Keener is a little shit, Iron Dad, M/M, Meme Lord Shuri, Multi, Other, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Shuri is horny on main, Teen Deadpool, Teen Loki, The Author Regrets Everything, loki is a little shit, this is really gay wow, whats a plot? Oh there she is, young avengers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2020-06-26 14:24:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 51
Words: 20,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19770082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IronBabey/pseuds/IronBabey, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SammyWitchy/pseuds/SammyWitchy
Summary: A chaotic group chat fic based off our discord server :)





	1. Okay Let Me Explain

**Author's Note:**

> Steve- America's Ass  
> Bucky- Barnes & Noble  
> Tony- Rat Dad  
> Strange-Dumblewhore  
> Harley- Walmart Iron Lad  
> Peter- Babey  
> Ned- Furby Fucker  
> America- Ms.Ameribitch  
> Kate- The better Hawkeye  
> Nat- Natattack  
> Pepper- Petty Pepper  
> Thor- Assgard's King  
> Johnny- Reject Charmander  
> Wade- Detective Pikachu  
> Shuri- Smarter than Toeny  
> Clint- CAWCAW  
> Loki- Gremlin

We have a server on discord that is really fucking chaotic.  
Steve and Bucky adopted Shuri (don't ask how we don't even know) she's like 22 and dating Clint (again don't ask how)

Clint adopted Ned and Kate (don't fucking ask)

Tony adopted Harley

Harley, Ned, and Peter are a thing (do I really need to keep adding this?)

Kate and America are engaged despite being teens(Clint won't let them get married what a coward)

Tony is a rat and hid in shuris room at some point in time (DonT aSk wHy)

Thor has godly ass cheeks

Thanks to lico_lico for the help (aka our America Chavez)

Just don't question anything we do


	2. Chaos

**_[America’s Ass has added Shuri Barnes-Rogers to Welcome Home Clit Butter]_ **

**Rat Dad:** who in the FUCK

 **Barnes & Noble:** oh god oh fuck she's here

 **Natattack:** Oh jesus it’s their kid

 **CAWCAW:** You have a kid?

 **Rat Dad:** Who let those two adopt? That shouldn't be legal

_**[Shuri Barnes-Rogers changed their name to Smarter than Toeny]** _

**Rat Dad:** exCUSE ME

 **Petty Pepper:** she isn't wrong,,,,

 **Assgard’s King:** Ah! Welcome child of Rogers and Barnes!

 **Smarter than Toeny:** UwU

 **Barnes & Noble:** I-

 **America's Ass:** I now see this was a mistake

 **Rat Dad:** Just like your existence

 **Natattack:** don't repeat what Howard said to you

 **Rat Dad:** brb gotta go cry in some strong wizard arms

 **Natattack:** thats gay

 **CAWCAW:** says you Mrs.Potts-Romanoff

 **Smarter than Toeny:** thats gay x20

 **Petty Pepper:** fucking hell

 **America’s Ass:** Language!

 **Petty Pepper:** my mistake. Ahem. Fucking heck

 **Smarter than Toeny:** fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck

 **Barnes & Noble:** thats my girl

 **America's Ass:** You're grounded

 **Rat Dad:** *ur

 **America's Ass:** I'm-

 **Barnes & Noble:** -gay

 **Natattack:** Clint is too quiet i dont trust this

 **CAWCAW:** i’m thinking about something!

 **Natattack:** that's even worse

 **CAWCAW:** r00d

 **Rat Dad:** i didn’t know you could think

 **CAWCAW:** fuk u guys

 **America’s Ass:** *Fuck

 **Smarter than Toeny:** uR gRoUndEd

 **Barnes & Noble:** ^^^^^^

 **America's Ass:** I'm being attacked

 **Rat Dad:** hows it feel to be attacked by someone you trust fuckboi

 **America's Ass:** In my defense-

 **Barnes & Noble:** he scurried

 **Rat Dad:** thats my job tf u mean

 **Smarter than Toeny:** I have one question,,,,why is Clint an Avenger? He literally fights with a stick

 **CAWCAW:** it’s called a bow and her name is stephanie

 **Smarter than Toeny:** no, it's called being a virgin

 **Natattack:** clint is on the floor in the fetal position crying

 **Smarter than Toney:** pussy-oh wait that’s something he cant get

 **America’s Ass:** Shuri! Don’t be rude

 **Barnes & Noble:** lol

 **CAWCAW:** time to bring in reinforcement

_**[CAWCAW added Kate Bishop to Welcome Home Clit Butter]** _

_**[Kate Bishop changed their name to The better Hawkeye]** _

**CAWCAW:** hey wait

 **The better Hawkeye:** :)))))

 **CAWCAW:** wait i know that look dONT DO IT

_**[The better Hawkeye added America Chavez to Welcome Home Clit Butter]** _

_**[America Chavez changed their name to Ms.Ameribitch]** _

**Ms.Ameribitch:** hola fuckers


	3. Noice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We wrote more chapters instead of sleeping  
> ALSO IT MAY SAY WRITTEN BY SWEET_SHURI BUT WE WORK ON THESE TOGETHER

**Barnes & Noble:** Who in the fuck is this poSER

**The better Hawkeye:** my wife

**CAWCAW:** Your what now?

**Smarter than Toeny:** someone you don't have

**CAWCAW:** :(

**Rat Dad:** isn’t kate like 10

**The better Hawkeye:** i’m 11 so shut the fuck up

**CAWCAW:** don’t listen to her she’s 17 and definitely not legally allowed to marry

**Ms.Ameribitch:** maybe in THIS dimension

**CAWCAW:** this what now

**Rat Dad:** hold up I got a mans for this

_**[Rat Dad has added Stephen Strange to Welcome Home Clit Butter]** _

_**[Rat Dad has changed Stephen Strange’s name to Dumblewhore]** _

**Rat Dad:** go off babe its your time to shine

**Dumblewhore:** I hate the name

**Rat Dad:** k cool anyways whos this kid and why does she say dimensions like that

**Dumblewhore:** America Chavez, dimension jumper, super strength, hero, has two moms

**Barnes & Noble:** noice

**Petty Pepper:** noice

**Natattack:** noice

**Smarter than Toeny:** noice

**Rat Dad:** noice

**Assgard's King:** noice

**The better Hawkeye:** thats my gorf

**CAWCAW:** i did not approve of this

**America’s Ass:** Why are you all saying it like that?

**Smarter than Toeny:** r/wooosh

**America’s Ass:** Shuri, hon, what does that mean?

**Barnes & Noble:** don’t ask

**Ms.Ameribitch:** oye chicos and chicas are you ready to fuckin party?

**Smarter than Toeny:** can't, it's pass Clint's bedtime

**CAWCAW:** excuse you my bedtime is never

**The better Hawkeye:** babe come over

**Ms.Ameribitch:** can’t i’m doing a thing

**The better Hawkeye:** i better be that thing bc im home alone rn

**Ms.Ameribitch:** omw princessa

**CAWCAW:** nO

**Rat Dad:** America(?) no shes like 12

**Ms.Ameribitch:** sorry Stark, duty calls, and when she does i can’t refuse her

**The better Hawkeye:** aweee!! Meri!!!!

**Ms.Ameribitch:** anything for you mi angél

**Natattack:** get a room you two

**CAWCAW:** donT ENCOURAGE THEM! I WILL NOT LET MY DAUGHTERS INNOCENCE GET TARNITISHED

**The better Hawkeye:** tarnitished

**Ms.Ameribitch:** tarnitished

**Smarter than Toeny:** tarnitished

**CAWCAW:** shUT

**Barnes & Noble:** isn’t having two America’s going to get confusing?

**Ms.Ameribitch:** dont worry hombre de metal, its easy. I’m the better America, its my real name and not a fake one used to hide my insecurities behind the name of a country

**Natattack:** and i oOp-

**Rat Dad:** i-

**Rat Dad:** theres 3 of them-

**Rat Dad:** we can't have too many chaotic children, lemme just get a more responsible one

_**[RatDad has added Peter Parker to Welcome Home Clit Butter]** _

_**[Peter Parker has changed their name to Babey]** _

**Babey:** >:3

**Rat dad:** wait no what have I done-

_**[Babey has added Harley Keener and Ned Leeds to Welcome Home Clit Butter]** _


	4. Mood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mood

_[Steve Rogers sent a message to Shuri Barnes-Rogers]_

**Steve** : Hey Shuri, why are you so mean to Clint?

**Shuri** : why you wanna know pussy boi? 

**Steve** : Well, for one, he’s my teammate and you’re my kid. I want you two to be able to get along.

**Shuri** : cause he doesn't have the right to go around looking all cute 

**Steve** : Shuri...do you have a crush on Clint?

**Shuri** : no. 

**Steve** : You’re acting just like Bucky did before we got together

**Shuri** : lalalalalalalala I don't wanna hear that story again

**Steve** : Sigh. Fine. Just know that I’ll support you and your decisions ok? 

**Shuri** : okay,,,, 

_[Shuri changed Steve Roger's name to Captain Dad]_

**Captain Dad** : <3

_[Smarter than Toeny has entered Welcome Home Clit Butter]_

**Babey** : and that’s the story of how i drank 10 red bulls in less than 30 seconds 

**Rat Dad** : can you NOT put me in cardiac arrest

**Babey** : sorry dad

**Dumblewhore** : For your information, Tony is staring at the phone, and crying.

**Babey** : :D

_[Harley Keener changed their name to Walmart Iron Lad]_

**Walmart Iron Lad** : that's hot

**Babey** : :((

**Walmart Iron Lad** : i meant you 

**Babey** : ha yeah i knew that i just wanted to get you to say it so i could have pRooF YOU THINK IM HOT SO HA SUCK IT KEENER

**Walmart Iron Lad** : gladly

**Babey** : what

**Rat Dad** : what

**Walmart Iron Lad** : oop is that my mom calling??? gotta blast

_[Ned Leeds changed their name to Furby Fucker]_

**Furby Fucker** : you're at my house wha-

**Walmart Iron Lad** : ned no dont expose me he’ll come for me

**Rat Dad** : for the last time i doNT SUCK TOES

**Ms.Ameribitch** : they say if you say tony’s name three times he comes out of a mirror to suck your toes

**Smarter than Toeny** : Tony 

**Smarter than Toeny** : Tony

**Smarter than Toeny** : Tony

**Dumblewhore** : Excuse you? My toes are his

**Rat Dad** : I-

**Walmart Iron Lad** : -suck toes 

**America’s Ass** : This was a mistake

**Rat Dad** : just like me

**Smarter than Toeny** : u rite

**Babey** : mood

**Walmart Iron Lad** : mood

**Furby Fucker** : mood

**The better Hawkeye** : mood

**Ms.Ameribitch** : mood

**America’s Ass** : ?

**Smarter than Toeny** : r/woooshx2 

**Barnes & Noble**: just give up Steve


	5. Tell me why

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys are back (The Backstreet Boys)

**CAWCAW** : k shuri, if you wanna be part of this group chat you gotta pass initiation 

**America's ass:** What initiation? 

**CAWCAW** : shhhh

**Smarter than Toeny** : ok fine

**CAWCAW** : TELL ME WHY

**Rat Dad** : wha-

**Barnes & Noble**: Clint are you high again? 

**The better Hawkeye** : oh no

**Ms.Ameribitch** : _dios mío_

**Natattack** : oop-

**Petty Pepper** : he’s definitely high

**Dumblewhore** : I’m not going to help him again

 **Smarter than Toeny** : AINT NOTHIN BUT A HEARTACHE 

**America's Ass** : This wasn't in my parenting book, Shuri are you ok?

 **Barnes & Noble**: you had a parenting book? 

**Rat Dad:** it was mine but i lent it to him

**CAWCAW** : TELL ME WHY 

**Smarter than Toeny** : AIN'T NOTHING BUT A MISTAKE

**Babey** : oh my god they’re doing the Backstreet Boys

**CAWCAW** : TELL ME WHY

**Smarter than Toeny** : I NEVER WANNA HEAR YOU SAY

**CAWCAW** : I WANT IT THAT WAY

**Rat Dad** : are...are they done?

**Smarter than Toeny** : yeaup

**CAWCAW** : i think i’m in love 

**Smarter than Toeny:** what

**Rat Dad** : what

**America’s Ass** : what

**Barnes & Noble**: what

_[CAWCAW has deleted a message]_

**CAWCAW** : what? I didnt say anything

**Rat Dad** : but you just-

**CAWCAW** : no proof

_[Shuri sent a message to Captain Dad]_

**Shuri** : oh god oh fuck


	6. Dick Brand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is just a filler chapter so thats why its short

_[Clint Barton sent a messaged Steve Rogers]_

**Clint** : Let me marry your daughter

**Steve** : Excuse you?

_[Clint has deleted a message]_

**Clint** : nothing,,,,

_[CAWCAW has entered Welcome Home Clit Butter]_

**The better Hawkeye** : im going to kashoot you

**Ms.Ameribitch:** do it

**The** **better** **Hawkeye** : wait no

**Rat Dad:** no murder unless its me please thank you

**Smarter than Toeny:** BARTON

**Smarter than Toeny** : I WILL KILL YOU

**Ms.Ameribitch** : necrophiliac?

**CAWCAW** : death

**Ms.Ameribitch:** oh

**America’s Ass:** And this is where that conversation ends.

**Smarter than Toeny** : awww

**Barnes & Noble:** GGAGAAG

**Smarter than Toeny** : what are you gagging on

**Smarter than Toeny** : Steve isn't here

**Barnes & Noble**: I-

**Ms.Ameribitch** : Shuri just called me and said I quote “I want dick brand”

**Smarter than Toeny:** fuck you

**The better Hawkeye** : no thats for me

**America's Ass** : I about Mcfucking had it.

**Barnes & Noble:** sister snapped

**Furby Fucker:** damn sisters

**Babey** : sister shook

**Rat Dad:** why the fuck do i associate myself with you guys

**Babey** : bc ur rat dad

**Rat Dad** : can’t argue with that ngl

_**4:30 p.m.** _

**CAWCAW** : i don't see the big deal about Thor, he's just another dude in the end

**Assgard's King:** eat my godly asscheeks you heathen


	7. Dad Toeny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The terror twins have arrived

_[Shuri Barnes-Rogers sent a message to Clint Barton]_

**Shuri** : lmao how much longer do you think we can keep this up??

**Clint** : honestly??? As long as we can this is comedy gold

**Shuri** : ugh wow we stan

 **Clint** : <3

**Shuri** : <3

_[CAWCAW has entered Welcome Home Clit Butter]_

 **Barnes & Noble**: and that is why i hate Walmart

 **Walmart Iron Lad** : i take personal offense to this 

**Furby Fucker** : halrey you took personal offense when starbucks was out of your usual drink

**Babey** : in his defense he didn’t sleep for about 48 hours before that

**Rat Dad** : he did what now

**Babey** : OH SHIT HE FOUND US! SCATTER

**Walmart Iron Lad** : QUICK TAKE THE ONE THING HE CAN’T REPLACE

**CAWCAW** : his childhood? I think his dad already took that,,,, 

**Rad Dad** : yeah and i think yours took away your hearing

**CAWCAW** : i-

**Babey** : thats my dad

**Walmart Iron Lad** : you are my daaaad! You’re my dad! Boogiewoogieoogie

**Dumblewhore** : i sensed someone attacking my baby-

**Rat Dad** : swoons, my knight in cloth armour has appeared 

**Natattack** : how much cloth exactly?? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**America’s Ass** : What is that face???

**Barnes & Noble**: the one you made last night hon

**Smarter than Toeny** : stOP 

**Rat Dad** : hey strange are your clothes on sale for 100% off? Bc mine sure are

**Dumblewhore** : why would my clothes be free? 

**Rat Dad** : i hate but love my smart magic doctor boyfriend 

**Dumblewhore** : I would sell you for a single potato chip

**Rat Dad** : this is why we’re perfect for each other. I’d sell myself for one too

**CAWCAW** : i didn't sign up for old people porn 

**The better Hawkeye** : yeah and i didn’t sign up to have a lOseR as a dad

**Ms.Ameribitch** : thats my girl go off princessa~

**CAWCAW** : what did i do this time im-

**The better Hawkeye** : lmao nothing i just wanted to be in the chapter

**Smarter than Toeny** : no fourth wall breaks you dumb fuck thats wades job

**CAWCAW** : whos wade??

**Smarter than Toeny** : exactly

**CAWCAW** : wha-

**Smarter than Toeny** : dont worry about it pretty boy

**Rat Dad** : what? 

**Barnes & Noble**: what? 

**America’s Ass** : What?

**The better Hawkeye** : whAT?! 

**Ms.Ameribitch** : wow

_[Smarter than Toeny has deleted a message]_

**Smarter than Toeny** : what?

**CAWCAW** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Barnes & Noble**: :)))


	8. Mmmmm Thirsty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some kids are in the hospital but whats new

* * *

**Ms.Ameribitch** : ok so i may or may not have gotten stabbed

**The better Hawkeye** : yOU wHaT

**Rat Dad** : my dad senses are kicking in im omw

**Ms.Ameribitch** : wait no 

**Smarter than Toeny** : wish my dads loved me

**Ms.Ameribitch** : i wish my moms were alive

**Rat Dad:** wish my dad never existed

**Babey** : doesnt that mean you wouldnt be alive either???

**Rat Dad** : yes

**The better Hawkeye** : i think the more important thing rn is my gf not fucKING DYING

**Ms.Ameribitch** : dont worry princessa, stark zoomed like sonic and picked me up, im in medical rn

**The better Hawkeye** : oh thAnk FuCk im omw with lokes

**Petty Pepper** : btw nat and i divorced lmao

**Natattack** : skeet

**Walmart Iron Lad** : peter get off the ceiling youve had enough red bull to feed a horse

**Babey** : i cAn tAsTe cOlOrS 

**Furby Fucker** : i thought we hid all the red bull?

**Rat Dad** : oh for the love of-now i have TWO kids in medical i need a drink

**Babey** : tRy sOmE rEd bULL mR. sTArK

**Rat Dad** : _Please_ someone take his phone away

**Smarter than Toeny** : nah

**Rat Dad** : i n e e d a d r i n k

**Dumblewhore** : ;) 

**Rat Dad** : ohhh yes rat dad is drinking good tonight boys

_[Smarter than Toeny has kicked Rat Dad out of Welcome Home Clit Butter]_

**Walmart Iron Lad** : shes not an admin what

**Babey** : i got this dw

_[Babey has added Rat Dad to Welcome Home Clit Butter]_

**Rat Dad** : bINch

**America's Ass** : What did you call my daughter?

**Rat Dad** : a female dog steven, i thought you had at least one brain cell left after the ice

**Barnes & Noble**: I would defend but that was pretty good-

**Assgard’s King** : FRIENDS!!! I have found my brother’s account!!!!

_[Assgard's King has added Loki to Welcome Home Clit Butter]_

**Ms.Ameribitch** : oh fuck yeah

_[Ms.Ameribitch has changed Loki’s name to Gremlin]_

**Gremlin** : hello ;)

**Rat Dad** : nO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Loki is Teen Loki from the Young Avengers and Loki Agent of Asgard comics uwu


	9. Clint is going to die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bird man done a fuck up

**The better Hawkeye** : the gangs almost all back together

**Gremlin** : i feel like this was a mistake but at the same time theres SO many opportunities now

**Rat Dad** : I'll end your entire blood line 

**Gremlin** : please do, and start with Thor

**Assgard's King** : i thought you loved me :(

**Gremlin** : you thought wrong

**Smarter than Toeny** : damn he really out here committing homiecide 

**CAWCAW** : killing your own homie like that damn

**Smarter than Toeny** : stfu 

**CAWCAW** : make me ;;))

**CAWCAW** : fuck wrong chat

_[CAWCAW has deleted two messages]_

**Smarter than Toeny** : dumbass-

**Gremlin** : ohhh i see whats happening here

**CAWCAW** : dont you dare-

**Gremlin** : youre face to face with greatness and its strange you dont even know how to feel

**Smarter than Toeny** : im-

**Babey** : ITs AdORAblE

**Gremlin** : well its nice to see that humans never change

**Ms.Ameribitch** : stop now or im taking your alcohol 

**Gremlin** : wait no Merica dOnt

**Ms.Ameribitch** : try me puta

**America's Ass** : WHAT CAN I SAY EXCEPT YOU'RE WELCOME

**Barnes & Noble**: you came in too late hon-

**America's Ass** : God dammit

**Rat Dad** : LaNguAGe 

**America’s Ass** : Honestly at this point I’ve given up. 

**America’s Ass** : So, rat man, you’re on thin fucking ice

**Barnes & Noble**: just like i was

**America's Ass** : Bucky wait no-

**Smarter than Toeny** : hey daddy i need a favor 

**America's Ass** : Yes? 

**CAWCAW** : yea?

**America's Ass** : eXcuSe yOu? 

**CAWCAW** : gotta blast

**Barnes & Noble**: oh this is gonna be fun

**America’s Ass** : SHURI EXPLAIN??

**Smarter than Toeny** : nahhh


	10. Rat Dad Wants A Snack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rat Dad's adventures in Shuris room along with bird man fucking up some more

**Smarter than Toeny:** FUCKING SHIT THERES A RAT IN MY ROOM

 **Ms.Ameribitch** : whats tony doing in your room??

 **Rat Dad** : i just want sum food

 **Smarter than Toeny:** GET OUT OF MY ROOM

 **Smarter than Toeny** : I’M PRETTY SURE YOU’RE STILL IN HERE

 **Ms.Ameribitch** : TONY GET OUT OF SHURI’S ROOM

 **Furby Fucker** : I-

 **Smarter than Toeny** : I HEAR SQUEAKING FROM BEHIND MY DRESSER

 **Rat Dad:** I JUS WANT SOM FOOD

 **Rat** **Dad** : FUCK LEAVE ME ALONE

 **Smarter than Toeny:** I DONT HAVE FOOD

 **Rat Dad** : FUCKIN LIES

 **Ms.Ameribitch** : SHURI GET THE MOUSE TRAPS

 **Rat Dad** : B IT C H

 **Smarter than Toeny** : BET THEY FINNA BE THE STICKY ONES

 **Ms.Ameribitch** : OOP

 **Rat Dad** : OH OK

 **Rat Dad** : OK

 **Rat Dad** : SURE THATS HOW IT GONNA B

 **Rat Dad** : OK

 **Smarter than Toeny** : I literally don't have food in my room

 **Rat Dad** : i smell lies

 **Smarter than Toeny** : i smell a r a t

 **Rat Dad** : BITCH

 **Dumblewhore** : I love my rat boyfriend.

 **Rat Dad** : uwu

 **Rat Dad** : oh no the kids are rubbing off on me

 **Barnes & Noble**: what the fuck did i just read

 **Smarter than Toeny** : tony was in my room

 **Ms.Ameribitch** : he wanted a snack

 **America's Ass** : This is why I tell you to clean your room Shuri.

 **Smarter than Toeny** : this is why mom is the better parent

 **Barnes & Noble**: :)

 **America's Ass** : You're grounded.

_[America Chavez has messaged Shuri Barnes-Rogers]_

**America** : I miss Kate

 **Shuri** : its been two hours

 **America** : yeah, too long

 **Shuri** : she will literally be back within the next hour

 **America** : I miss Kate

 **Shuri** : istg-

_[Ms.Ameribitch has messaged Welcome Home Clit Butter]_

**Ms.Ameribitch** : I miss Kate

 **Walmart Iron Lad** : im muting

 **CAWCAW** : i miss Kate too

 **Smarter than Toeny** : oh god theres two

 **Rat Dad** : i miss Strange

 **Dumblewhore** : I’m sitting next to you.

 **Rat Dad** : i miss your kissies

 **Dumblewhore** : C’mere.

 **Smarter than Toeny** : i miss clint

 **CAWCAW** : hey

 **Smarter than Toeny** : d i e

 **CAWCAW** : only if it's in your arms ;)

 **America's Ass:** Overprotective dad mode activated.

 **Barnes & Noble**: beat me daddy

 **America's Ass** : That's not what I meant-

 **Barnes & Noble**: my statement still stands

 **America's Ass** : I'm-

 **CAWCAW** : beat me mommy

 **Smarter than Toeny** : maybe later ;;))))

 **Rat Dad** : thats pretty hetero

 **Smarter than Toeny** : tell that to all your exes

 **Petty Pepper** : dont bring me into this

 **America’s Ass** : I’m more concerned over what my child said more than I am about Tony’s shit love life

 **Rat Dad** : hey

 **Rat Dad** : you arent wrong

 **Dumblewhore** : ;;;)))

 **Smarter than Toeny** : im not a child im literally 22

 **America's Ass** : Child.

 **Barnes & Noble**: shuri we are literally 100 years old compared to us youre like 5

 **Smarter than Toeny** : you'll be hearing from my lawyer

 **Rat Dad** : thats my line

 **Assgard's King** : Shuri? A child? I think not!

 **Smarter than Toeny** : sorry you're too late, the chapter is ending

 **Gremlin** : ha fuckin loser


	11. Assbowls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> does this even need a summary? it's all in the title ;)

**Assgard's King** : i-is it safe now?

 **CAWCAW** : it never is

 **Assgard's** **King** : how so?

 **Rat Dad** : i need diCK

 **Assgard's King** : ah, I see now

 **Smarter than Toeny** : i got this

 **Smarter than Toeny** : **@Dumblewhore**

 **Smarter than Toeny** : he wants you to plow his asshole

 **Rat Dad** : skskskSKSKSK

 **Rat Dad** : S H U R I

 **Dumblewhore** : KSBAHAHAHAHAHDJSJENED

 **Ms.Ameribitch** : SHURI

 **Rat Dad** : but yea

 **Dumblewhore** : SHURI STFU

 **Smarter than Toeny** : Strange's cereal bowl? Did you mean; Tony's gaping asshole?

 **Ms.Ameribitch** : i am but a small niña i didnt ask to see the details on tonys cereal ass eating

 **Smarter than Toeny** : ass bowls

 **Dumblewhore** : million dollar idea right there

 **Assgard's King** : ah, i think i can now understand my brother’s thirst for destroying this planet

 **Gremlin** : :))

 **Smarter than Toeny** : i miss clint :(

 **CAWCAW** : ;;)) hey

 **Smarter than Toeny** : dumb fuck

 **CAWCAW** : :(

 **Smarter than Toeny** : my dumb fuck :)

 **CAWCAW** : :D

 **America’s Ass** : I’m sorry what

 **Barnes & Noble: **exfuckingscuse me

 **CAWCAW** : welp gotta blast

 **Walmart Iron Lad** : tony help

 **Rat Dad** : harley??? You ok??? What happened???

 **Rat Dad** : halrey???

 **Rat Dad** : oh god my kid is fucking dead

 **Walmart Iron Lad** : sorry dropped my phone

 **Walmart Iron Lad** : peter is stuck on the ceiling again

 **Rat Dad** : i’ll get the broom

 **Furby Fucke** r: can i whack him with it

 **Rat Dad** : be my guest

_[Steve Rogers sent a message to Clint Barton]_

_[Steve Rogers added Bucky Barnes to the chat]_

_[Bucky Barnes has changed the group name to Shovel Talk]_

**Clint:** oh no what did i do this time

 **Bucky** : my daughter

 **Clint** : f u c k


	12. Pizza and Dick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We don't even know

**Furby Fucker** : ok guys uh i think my furbies are possessed and want to kill me

 **Walmart Iron Lad:** wha-

 **Assgard’s King** : should i call for someone?

 **Babey** : it’s too late for that they have taken over

 **Furby Fucker** : i guess im god of the furbies now

 **Assgard’s King** : fake god smh

_**6:45** _

**Smarter than Toeny** : **@CAWCAW** bring me pizza and we can snuggle and watch Netflix

 **CAWCAW** : are you asking for netflix and chill?

 **Smarter than Toeny** : i’m asking for pizza and dick

 **CAWCAW** : wait fuck shURI WRONG CHAT WRO N G CH A T

 **CAWCAW** : oh god oh fuck your dads are going to kill me

 **CAWCAW** : holy fucking shit bucky just walked into my room, glinted his arm at me and left am i going to die

 **Smarter than Toeny** : lmao yeah probably

 **CAWCAW** : steve just threw his shield through my window

 **CAWCAW** : what do i fuCKING DO

 **Smarter than Toeny** : die ig

 **CAWCAW** : jesus christ

 **Barnes & Noble**: yes?

 **CAWCAW** : oh god oh fuck oh shit

 **America’s Ass:** Language.

 **Ms.Ameribitch** : if clint dies does that mean kate and i can elope

 **The better Hawkeye** : i was gonna say not to kill my dad buttttttt

 **CAWCAW** : wow

 **Smarter than Toeny** : this must be what Tony felt in Siberia

 **Smarter than Toeny** : b e t r a y a l

 **Rat Dad** : waIT I-

 **Rat Dad:** she’s right

 **America’s Ass** : fuck


	13. Babes????

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter has two what now

**Babey** : babe i have a question 

**Walmart** **Iron Lad** : what? 

**Furby Fucker:** what? 

**Rat Dad:** hold up- 

**Babey** : so what would happen if i mix red bull, coffee, and monster together? 

**Furby Fucker** : you would probably die from a stroke 

**Walmart Iron Lad** : or become the next god but ya won’t know until you try it 

**Babey** : alright thanks babes love ya 

**Rat Dad:** i’m on mY WAY RIGHT FUCKING NOW 

**F** **ury Fucker** : how do you know where he is??

**Rat Dad:** :)))

**Furby Fucker** : k cool

**Walmart Iron Lad** : i- 

**Babey** : he literally got here within 10 seconds i’m slightly terrified 

**Rat Dad** : call me tadashi

**Walmart Iron Lad** : bc ur gonna die to save someone who turned out to live when everyone thought he died with you and ended up becoming a villian???

**Rat Dad** : no what the fuck...because i put trackers on all my kids (now including America)

**Ms.Ameribitch** : ah mierda

**Smarter than Toeny** : are we just finna ignore the fact how ned and harley both replied to ‘babe’?

**Walmart Iron Lad** : yep dropping it faster than my grades

**Furby Fucker** : its summer wtf do you mean

**Walmart Iron Lad:** i’m failing lofe 

**Babey** : lofe 

**Walmart Iron Lad** : stfu you bug 

**Rat Dad** : as much as it pains me to say it...Shuri is right what the fuck was that about 

**Babey** : wdym

**Walmart Iron Lad** : ?

**Furby Fucker** : ://

**Rat Dad:** nah we aint playing games 

**Babey** : :(( mr stark

**Rat Dad:** no nope dont give me that look

**Walmart Iron Lad** : thems by boyfs

**Furby Fucker** : uwu

**Smarter than Toeny** : wow Peter has two baes when Clint can't even get one 

**Gremlin** : :))

**Smarter than Toeny** : SHUT

**Gremlin** : i didn't even say shit but go off ig

**Smarter than Toeny** : you were thinking it

**Gremlin** : shhh ;) 

**Assgard’s King:** brother p l s

**Gremlin** : begone t h o t 

**Assgard's King** : what does that mean? 

**Gremlin** : that hero over there

**Assgard's King** : THEN I SHALL BE THE BIGGEST THOT EVER 

**Babey** : im- 

**Ms.Ameribitch** : is banner your side thot too?

**Assgard's King** : YES 

**Ms.Ameribitch** : ha

**The better Hawkeye** : Meri am I your thot?

**Ms.Ameribitch** : no you’re mi angél

**Gremlin** : gay

**CAWCAW** : shuri is my thot ;) 

**Smarter than Toeny** : calling me a hoe? 

**Barnes & Noble**: :))))

**America's Ass** : I will fuck your shit up. 


	14. Lmao we-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We been knew sis

_[Bucky has messaged Shovel Talk]_

**Bucky** : s o

**Clint** : oh god oh fuck oh shit

**Steve** : Language

**Bucky** : S O

**Bucky** : what’s with you and my little demon spawn

**Steve** : Yes Clint, what is with you and Shuri?

**Clint** : we're just friends,,,,, 

**Clint** : who occasionally fuck,,,, 

**Clint** : and call each other babe,,,,

**Clint** : the normal things,,,,

**Steve** : What do you mean "The normal things"? 

**Clint** : ya know. Saving people, hunting things, the family business

**Bucky** : ha i get that reference 

**Steve** : Now is not the time to bond Bucky,,,,, 

**Bucky** : fine

**Steve** : Okay now, let’s get down to business. 

**Clint** : to defeat the huns?

**Bucky** : DAMN YOU JUST SPITTING OUT ALL REFERENCES HUH

**Steve** : You two-

**Steve** : NOW ISN'T THE TIME

**Clint** : yes sir

**Bucky** : yes daddy

**Clint** : ew, old people-

**Steve** : Ignoring that, Clint, what is the deal with you and demon spawn-I mean Shuri

**Clint** : no you're not wrong, she's fucking insane 

**Clint** : but that's why I like her :) 

**Shuri** : aww babe

**Clint** : tHE FUCK

**Steve** : How in the hell-

**Bucky** : she fucking hacked it

**Shuri** : :))

**Shuri** : sorry not sorry :)) 

**Steve** : Perfect timing though, Shuri, care to explain?

**Shuri** : no not really

**Bucky** : fair enough

**Steve** : I’ll hide all the coffee

**Steve** : No,,,,I’ll give it all to Peter

**Shuri** : THAT'S ASKING FOR DEATH

**Steve** : Yes, and? He’s not my kid, you are

**Shuri** : damn okay fine 

**Clint** : They have Nat, even if we dont tell them, she'll do it for them. Plus, Loki

**Shuri** : would you like to tell them then? 

**Clint** : yea sure

**Clint** : Steve, Bucky

**Steve** : Yes?

**Bucky** : ye?

**Clint** : me and your daughter

**Clint** : we fuckin

**Shuri** : ugh,,,,his MIND

**Steve** : I-

**Bucky** : called it, steve you owe me 20

**Steve** : HOW? WHEN WAS THIS? Also fuck you it's my money. 

**Clint** : like 6 months ago lol we met at a bar at like 3 am

**Steve** : SHURI YOU DRINK? 

**Shuri** : nah we just got apple juice

**Bucky** : steve, hon, doll, ice of my life, shes OUR kid, id be more surprised if she DIDNT drink

**Shuri** : i-

**Clint** : steve ive seen you down an entire bottle of vodka in one go idk who youre trying to fool

**Shuri** : dont attack my dad you limp mushroom

**Clint** : sorry :(( ill do whatever u want tonight ;;)))) 

**Shuri** : no fuck you I'm staying with my parents

**Clint** : ok fine then, i can have fun by myself

**Bucky** : fukin wanker

**Clint** : youre missing out shuri-bear

**Shuri** : fuCKIN STOP

**Clint** : i just went to the gym too :(( so im all nice and sweaty 

**Shuri** : thats gross ew-

**Steve** : wait hold on you go to his apartment? By yourself? ALONE?? 

**Shuri** : dad i'm literally an adult

**Steve** : You live under my roof, therefore I can make rules. 

**Clint** : i have an extra key

**Bucky** : whats that supposed to mean bird fuck? 

**Clint** : it means my friend in my bed gets lonely and needs Shuri

**Bucky** : better mean your fuckin dog istg-

**Shuri** : better mean your dick

**Steve** : Yeah no, Shuri you're grounded and can't see Clint anymore. Clint, stay away. 

**Shuri** : looks like im runnin away tonight bois

**Bucky** : have fun trying that

**Shuri** : im already at his apartment so

**Bucky** : lmao comin to get your ass 

**Shuri** : not if we elope first, got my mans Daredevil to help

**Steve** : She's lying she's in the kitchen. 

**Shuri** : clint taught me the ways of the vents, away i go

**Clint** : Shuri initiate protocol 420-69

**Shuri** : on it

**Steve** : Bucky is Shuri in the house????

**Bucky** : no? Fuck did she-

**Steve** : Fucking shit


	15. Us??? Adding plot?? Its more likely then you think

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :))

**Barnes & Noble**: HAS ANYONE SEEN MY KID

**Ms.Ameribitch** : after she stole my bike? No

**The better Hawkeye** : we were gonna elope on it too :((

**America’s Ass** : Well, it looks like Clint and Shuri beat you to to it

**The better Hawkeye** : wow my dad eloped before i could

**Gremlin** : called it

**Natattack** : wait who the fuck is watching clint’s kids

**Furby Fucker** : time to go feral and get rabies 

**Rat Dad** : omw

**Furby Fucker** : guess not 

**Dumblewhore** : one night

**Dumblewhore** : one night to fuck is all i ask for

**Dumblewhore** : i was SO close

**Rat Dad** : sorry, kids need me 

**Ms.Ameribitch** : dont even try to stop him. Hes why im forced to live in the tower. On the bright side, princessa sneaks in a lot

**The better Hawkeye** : does this mean we're moving in for a bit? 

**Furby Fucker** : HARLEY WE CAN BE R O O M M A T E S 

**The better Hawkeye** : i got dibs on Meri’s room

**Walmart Iron Lad** : Y E S 

**Rat Dad** : nope everyone has a seperate preset room, nice try you hormonal fucks, FRIDAY will tell me if youre not in your rooms

**Furby Fucker** : yeah cause I totally can't hack into anything with my cheap ass laptop

**Rat Dad** : bold of you to assume i didnt plan for that already

**Barnes & Noble**: GUYS WE'RE GETTING OFF TOPIC HERE MY FUCKIN BABY IS MISSING AND IS WITH A HOBO 

**Rat Dad** : shes an adult frost fuck leave her be

**America's Ass** : She still needs me to cut her sandwiches in triangles and drinks out of a sippy cup, she can't take care of herself. 

**Rat Dad** : yeah and? Gotta let go at some point, or she’ll resent you for it later. Dont make that mistake

**America's Ass** : But why him? He fights with a stick and string. 

**Rat Dad** : You can ask yourself the same thing. Why Bucky? He fights with a slab of junk metal from ikea

**Barnes & Noble**: okay first the fuck off- 

**Rat Dad** : shoosh the adults are talking

**Babey** : now y'all know how I feel

**Rat Dad** : anyways. Steve, she wont be your baby forever, gotta let her move and grow, be free and happy, make a few mistakes here and there, its a lil thing i like to call life

**America's Ass** : So should I just wait for her to come back? 

**America's Ass** : She'll come back right? 

**Rat Dad** : course she will cap, she still loves you, nothings gonna change that

**Babey** : wow i think this is the most civil they’ve been in a while

**America’s Ass** : Ugh, I hate it when you’re right Tones

**Rat Dad** : :)

**America’s Ass** : :)

**Dumblewhore** : this is a lil too chummy for my liking, hey babe, cmere

**Rat Dad** : oh god oh fuck

_[Shuri Barnes-Rogers sent a message to Clint Barton]_

**Shuri** : when should I tell them I'm just on the roof and not with you? 

**Clint** : probably soon,,,they seem worried,,,, 

**Shuri** : hhhhhh i will once i get sum fuk

**Clint** : ;))

**Shuri** : one single fuck is all i ask, then i will return 


	16. Another terror child has arrived

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who's that pokemon?

**America’s Ass** : Update: we found them making out on the roof

**Barnes & Noble**: i want to bleach my eyeballs

**Furby Fucker** : does that mean i have to go home

**The better Hawkeye** : :((

**CAWCAW** : yes

**Rat Dad** : thank fuck. I only have to deal with 4 kids now

**Natattack** : 4?

**Rat Dad** : Harley, Peter, Loki, and America 

**Rat Dad** : Kate and Ned are like the extra sauces that come with a meal, they’re optional 

**Smarter than Toeny** : damn why u gotta be rude to my kids like that

**Assgard’s King** : OH! Congradulations!

**America’s Ass** : Wait, what? 

**Barnes & Noble**: cool, im a grandma 

**Smarter than Toeny** : yes to 3 kids

**Barnes & Noble**: wait what

_[Smarter than Toeny has added Detective Pikachu to Welcome Home Clit Butter]_

**Detective Pikachu** : hey kiddos! Its me! DP!

**Rat Dad** : jesus christ its deadpool

**Detective Pikachu** : awwww how’d you know it was me? Yellow said the name was foolproof!

**Rat Dad** : DP made it obvious wilson

**Babey** : oh hey wade!

**Detective Pikachu** : hey babey boy

**Walmart Iron Lad** : exfuckin scuse me

**Detective Pikachu** : no worries, not trying to steal anyones man. Both of your hearts maybe, but not just one

**Smarter than Toeny** : watch yourself rat man, leave my fucking kid alone

**CAWCAW** : wait i didnt know you had a kid- 

**Smarter than Toeny** : yeah i adopted him today 

**Smarter than Toeny** : hes just so cute and the sweetest kid ever!

**Detective Pikachu** : i literally have cancer, my face, skin, and body is scarred. Mom...mom i kill people for a living m o m

**Smarter than Toeny** : see? Isnt he just the greatest? 

**America’s Ass** : Oh god there’s two of them

**Detective Pikachu** : yellow says mom is off her rockets, which on one hand, oof, on the other, i want to ride a rocket 

**Smarter than Toeny** : oh before i forget, Wade meet Clint your somewhat as good as its gonna get father figure 

**Detective Pikachu** : damn i thought the authors would have made a worse burn then that but go off ig

**Detective Pikachu** : one of them is yelling at me 

**Detective Pikachu** : anyways, ignoring their senseless arguing at midnight, yo new dad, whats crackalackin 

**CAWCAW** : im already mclovin you 

**Ms.Ameribitch** : yo wilson youre an honorary young avenger sorry i dont make the rules

**The better Hawkeye** : not printer, just faxs

**Gremlin** : how many more do we need oh my gods

**Detective Pikachu** : aw fuck ye

**America’s Ass** : I don’t wanna be a grandpa yet- 

**Barnes & Noble**: i’ll be the best grandma ever

**Smarter than Toeny** : too late dad sorry

**Barnes & Noble**: im baking 100000 cookies rn

**Detective Pikachu** : :0000

**Smarter than Toeny** : im gonna go set up his room, see yall laterrrrr

**Babey** : WAIT WADE YOU CANT DIE RIGHT

**Detective Pikachu** : ye?

**Babey** : wanna do some crazy experiments with your healing factor that Mr.Stark wont let me do on myself?

**CAWCAW** : can you,,,,like not? 

**Detective Pikachu** : do you even need to ask? Fuck yes im on my way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw this is Teen Deadpool from the comics uwu so hes babey
> 
> Jk no hes not hes a little shit
> 
> Also Yellow is Sweet_Shuri because she's chaotic and White is Lico_Lico cause she's sane


	17. Johnny do do dodododo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuri's honeybun is here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Johnny is like 20 ok its not illegal i swear

_[Smarter than Toeny has added Johnny Storm to Welcome Home Clit Butter]_

_[Smarter than Toeny has changed Johnny Storm's name to Reject Charmander]_

**Reject Charmander** : I will fuckin burn you 

**Smarter than Toeny** : do it 

**Rat Dad** : kinky

 **Smarter than Toeny** : yeah

 **Smarter than Toeny** : anyways this is my husband Johnny 

**CAWCAW** : im being cheated on :((

 **Reject Charmander** : it's a platonic marriage that I was forced into 

**Ms.Ameribitch** : im being bro cheated on

 **Smarter than Toeny:** im-

 **The better Hawkeye:** Meri come into my arms~

 **Ms.Ameribitch** : yes here i come

 **CAWCAW** : wait no, don't come to my apartment

 **The better Hawkeye:** k ill go to the tower then into Meri’s room

 **Rat Dad** : yeah no-

 **Ms.Ameribitch:** :/ looks like we goin to a new dimension katie

 **Smarter than Toeny** : wait I got you guys covered 

**Smarter than Toeny** : Clint let them hang out so we can hang out too ;) 

**The better Hawkeye** : id rather not hear my dad and his gf fuck while im trying to make out with my gf

 **Smarter than Toeny** : oh no I'd take him out of the apartment so y'all can do whatever

 **Ms.Ameribitch** : nice, i owe you one

 **Smarter than Toeny** : just buy me food and we gucci

 **Ms.Ameribitch** : just hide it from tony

 **Rat Dad** : shUT THE FUCK UP


	18. Smarter than Toeny has changed their name to-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blame Sweet_Shuri for the name change i am so sorry

**America's Ass** : Has anyone seen Shuri? 

**Barnes & Noble**: we cant find her anywhere and Clint doesn't know either 

**Ms.Ameribitch** : shrimp dimension 

**America's Ass** : The what now? 

**Ms.Ameribitch** : did i fucking stutter. She wanted to see a new dimension, so i sent her to the dimension of the giant shrimp

**CAWCAW** : you better bring her back istg-

**Ms.Ameribitch** : or what bitchboy

**Reject Charmander:** bring my wife back >:(

**Detective Pikachu** : wow ive lost two moms now thanks authors

**Ms.Ameribitch** : fine ill grab her damn 

**Detective Pikachu** : yellow is yelling at me I'm scared 

**CAWCAW** : good or no more kate

**Ms.Ameribitch** : bold of you to assume we wont elope

**Smarter than Toeny** : HOLY FUCK THE SHRIMP

**Ms.Ameribitch** : cool right?

**The better Hawkeye** : i love my multidimensional gf

**Smarter than Toeny** : thats gay

**Smarter than Toeny** : the guy i like fights with a stick 

**CAWAW** : hey-

**Smarter than Toeny** : Thor 

**Assgard’s King** : In my defense it has a rock tied to the end of it 

**CAWCAW** : thor thats the equivalent to me saying thay if i tie a rubber band to a paperclip its a bow and arrow

**Smarter than Toeny** : at least he hits people, you just stand far away and shoot more sticks 

**CAWCAW** : i may not hit people but i can hit on you

**Smarter than Toeny** : ngl im turned on now 

**CAWCAW** : i smack your face with my lips onto your lips

**Smarter than Toeny** : thought you were finna say something else but that works too

**America’s Ass** : If he did, he’d be dead right now

**Smarter than Toeny** : sorry i like dick 

**Barnes & Noble**: she gets that from me :) 

**Rat Dad** : im surprised steve hasnt done the shovel talk yet

**CAWCAW** : oh he did, im afraid for my life

_[Smarter than Toeny changed their name to Clint’s Cock Warmer]_

**America’s Ass** : I’m coming for you bird boy. 

**CAWCAW** : i dIDNT DO THAT SHE DID

**Clint’s Cock Warmer** : dont pretend you dont like my name 

**CAWCAW** : ;;))

**America’s Ass** : I’ve been knocking at your door for the past few minutes. I just wanna talk Clint. 

**CAWCAW** : im not home

**America’s Ass** : Don’t you fucking lie. 

**CAWCAW** : im in wakanda 

**America’s Ass** : I can hear you breathing fucker. 

**CAWCAW** : thats lucky hes sick

**Clint’s Cock Warmer** : he knows youre here, im litertally with you 

**CAWCAW** : whyd you have to tell him- 

**Ms.Ameribitch** : i gotchu

**CAWCAW** : o fuck theres a portal gotta blast

**Ms.Ameribitch** : little did he know, it led to Bucky 

**CAWCAW** : you lITTLE SHIT

**Ms.Ameribitch** : triple-hijueputa

**Barnes & Noble**: QUICK STEVE COME BACK WHILE I STILL GOT HIM

**Clint’s Cock Warmer** : so i guess i have his apartment to myself for awhile 

**CAWCAW** : his fatass is sitting on me i cant breathe 

**The better Hawkeye** : im omw home dad-wait what the fuck

**The better Hawkeye** : …

**The better Hawkeye** : Meri im coming over

**Clint’s Cock Warmer** : wait Kate come home we can paint Lucky’s nails now that Clint cant stop us 

**The better Hawkeye** : …...sorry Meri i have priorities 

**Ms.Ameribitch** : understandable have a nice day

**Detective Pikachu** : wait why wasnt i invited 

**The better Hawkeye** : bc we need mother daughter bonding

**CAWCAW** : oh fUK OFBSHT STEVE IS HERHEHSVFSHBEHGHGH

**Clint’s Cock Warmer** : ok i guess clint is dead

**Ms.Ameribitch** : time to elope


	19. Kate dont take no shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate sister snapped

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plot??? In our crack fic??? Its more likely than you think

**America’s Ass** : Shuri, please forgive us. 

**Barnes & Noble**: in my defense i didnt do anything 

**Clint’s Cock Warmer** : THEN WHY ISNT CLINT TALKING TO ME 

**America’s Ass** : Okay so we may have scared him a little bit-

**Barnes & Noble**: hes a pussyboi 

**The better Hawkeye** : you know what shut the fuck up, you call yourselves Avengers???

**The better Hawkeye** : my dad clearly loves Shuri and all you two seem to want to do is break them up like how you broke up the Avengers

**The better Hawkeye** : they say you learn from your mistakes but its clear you two havent

**The better Hawkeye** : my dad deserves happiness and if you continue to try and take that from him, you’ll have the entire Young Avengers team against you, including America, who you KNOW can beat you two up easily

**Barnes & Noble**: im being threatened by a 12 year old what do i do 

**The better Hawkeye** : heed my warning you old fuck or my gf (who yeeted a megaladon btw) will yeet you to your deaths. So ice fuck and winter fuck what do you wanna do?

**America’s Ass** : I’m trying but I really don’t trust Clint a lot. I feel like something bad is going to happen soon 

**The better Hawkeye** : and that gives you the right to treat him like garbage?

**Ms.Ameribitch** : im so in love with you wow. And yes, for my princessa i will destroy you :))

**CAWCAW** : i love my homicidal daughter and her stronk gf

**Barnes & Noble**: again i didnt do anything, yall have to convince steeb 

**The better Hawkeye** : yes but you LET steve do it, thats just as bad as pulling the trigger to a gun, or say, having a fist around someones parents throats

**Barnes & Noble**: woah okay hold on 

**Clint’s Cock Warmer** : ya know what? Im moving out 

**CAWCAW** : i tired talking her out of it i swear- 

**America’s Ass** : Where will you be going exactly? 

**Clint’s Cock Warmer** : clints place :) if he’ll have me?

**CAWCAW** : you know my door is always open for you uwu

**America’s Ass** : ………...

**Barnes & Noble**: no steve wait- 

**America’s Ass** : I’ll help you pack…


	20. Issa Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Party hardy

**Detective Pikachu** : clints place isnt that bad, its actually bigger than i thought it would be 

**Furby Fucker** : we share a room and WAIT NO STAY ON YOUR SIDE H E A T H E N 

**The better Hawkeye** : thank fuck i have my own room

 **Detective Pikachu** : yellow is crying and im scared 

**Detective Pikachu** : white is just laughing at them what do i do??? Why are the authors doing this its only chapter 19 h e l p

 **Clint’s Cock Warmer** : okay so do i need to get a child psychologist 

**Detective Pikachu** : the sad shit hasnt even happened yet and yellow is already sobbing 

**Clint’s Cock Warmer** : ok then anyways

 **Clint’s Cock Warmer** : im thinking a welcoming party is necessary 

**CAWCAW** : i already gave you a warm welcome what more do you want 

**Clint’s Cock Warmer** : sex when the kids arent home doesnt count

 **CAWCAW** : again WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT 

**Clint’s Cock Warmer** : a party

 **Reject Charmander** : sounds cool, im coming 

**Rat Dad** : i’d be down tbh

 **Dumblewhore** : if tonys going then i will

 **Gremlin** : o r g y 

**Assgard’s King** : NO 

**Ms.Ameribitch** : no lokes

 **Natattack** : ill bring the v o d k a

 **Petty Pepper** : ill bring my fine ass 

**CACAW** : well shit guess we partying tonight

 **Barnes & Noble**: can steve and i come?

 **CAWCAW** : yeah dude, course you can

 **Barnes & Noble**: :D

 **Clint’s Cock Warmer** : yeah youre still my parents :) 

**Petty Pepper** : wish i had parents 

**Clint’s Cock Warmer** : Pepper shut your ass 

**Petty Pepper** : “Pepper shut your ass” no my ass is open 24/7 

**Petty Pepper** : im single and ready to mingle ladies and gents ;;))

 **Babey** : wait what happened to ned and wade????

 **Furby Fucker** : help,,,,im stuck 

**Walmart Iron Lad** : where?????

 **Furby Fucker** : the ceiling,,,,

 **Walmart Iron Lad** : hoW IN THE FUCK 

**Detective Pikachu** : duct tape can do wonderous things 

**Babey** : twinsies

 **The better Hawkeye** : again, im glad i have my own room 


	21. You dont play the craft you dont get the shaft

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mining away~

**Babey** : harley wont pay attention to me hes playing minecraft without me

**Walmart Iron Lad:** you dont play the craft you dont get the shaft

**CAWCAW** : i will forever use that 

**Rat Dad** : hey harley cmere i wanna talk

**Furby Fucker** : rip harley 

**Petty Pepper** : peter hon cmere 

**Babey** : ok mom!!

**Furby Fucker** : i still cant believe pepper adopted you just so you can live with harley at the tower im jealous 

**Clint’s Cock Warmer** : i tried to get you to move there but clint said no 

**CAWCAW** : aint happening 

**The better Hawkeye** : yeah if ned moved then id move in with Meri and dad wont let me

**Detective Pikachu** : im chill living in clints place, he orders pizza 24/7 

**Reject Charmander** : cant belive my own wife eloped with a hobo looking man 

**Clint’s Cock Warmer** : dont worry ill come back to you honeybun 

**Reject Charmander** : ill be waiting lovedove 

**Rat Dad** : that was so sickening gross i might die 

**Dumblewhore** : hey my love?

**Rat Dad** : fuck im weak

**Clint’s Cock Warmer** : ha fucking gay

**CAWCAW** : note to self, shuri likes pet names 

**CAWCAW** : hey kitten~ ;;)

**Clint’s Cock Warmer** : f u c k i m w e a k

**Rat Dad** : ha fucking hetero 

**Gremlin** : you know i feel like i should say i expected better but id be lying

**Natattack** : sometimes i wish i didnt live in the tower with two guys who make out in every area possible 

**Rat Dad** : okay no need to call me out like this 

**Natattack** : and the fucking kids who make out with their s/o on the fucking kitchen counter

**Ms.Ameribitch** : i resent that. Its on the couch 

**Walmart Iron Lad** : this is why i take peter to my room 

**Petty Pepper** : YOU DO WHAT NOW

**Babey** : oh god oh fuck mom is here

**Walmart Iron Lad:** well where do you think he is half the time? 

**Petty Pepper** : in his room studying like hes supposed to :))

**Babey** : im litertally the smartest kid in school i dont need to study 

**Pettey Pepper** : dont sass me young man or you’re grounded, meaning no harley or ned or star wars or furbies

**Furby Fucker** : i was going to send furby pictures but i see this is not the right time to do so 

**Ms.Ameribitch** : i feel like out of all us im the most responsible 

**The better Hawkeye** : i saw you put a jar of peanut butter in the microwave forgetting that it could actually blow up 

**Ms.Ameribitch** : and? They’d let it blow up, at least i took it out

**Rat Dad** : shes got a point

**The better Hawkeye** : i guess 

**CAWCAW** : note to self, only use the pet names in the apartment 

**Rat Dad** : why? 

**CAWCAW** : i dont feel like having shuri whipping my dick out in public 

**Gremlin** : so is the party still happening or are you all too horny to function 

**Ms.Ameribitch** : says you whoreki

**Gremlin** : ….touché

_ [Ms.Ameribitch changed Gremlin's name to Whoreki]  _

**Whoreki** : well shes not wrong

**Assgard’s King** : he wishes to be a thot like me 

**Babey** : thot doesnt mean what you think it does 

_ [Assgard’s King changed their name to Assgard’s Biggest Thot]  _

**Assgard’s Biggest Thot** : :) 

**Babey** : ya know what? Nvm 


	22. Do the-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Again, blame Sweet_Shuri

**Ms.Ameribitch** : i mfick ing drunk and sobbing ocer a fuckinf comic

 **Rat Dad** : I got a whole ass seizure trying to read that 

**Clint’s Cock Warmer** : wow inspired by Cameron Boyce

 **Dumblewhore** : isnt america 18 

**Whoreki** : what comic

 **Ms.Ameribitch** : FuCKI N reFUnd HighSchooL

 **Natattack** : dont fucking spoil

 **The better Hawkeye** : im more concerned at the fact that my gf is underage drinking

 **Clint's Cock Warmer** : who cares about that? I'm more worried about how my son is trying to do a back flip off the roof 

**Detective Pikachu** : jUsT lEt mE i cAnT dIe 

**Babey** : it wont kill him tho shuri so y stop him

 **Clint’s Cock Warmer** : you give a good point….ill push you off

 **Babey** : wait what- 

**Detective Pikachu** : yes mom its for science 

**Clint's Cock Warmer** : i was joking im actually being a paranoid mom rn

 **Walmart Iron Lad** : i’ll do it

 **Clint’s Cock Warmer** : do it and you’ll fall too

 **Babey** : ill catch him

 **Detective Pikachu** : like you did with gwen?

 **Babey** : whos gwen?

 **Detective Pikachu** : shit wrong company 

**Detective Pikachu** : YELLOW KEEPS YELLING AT WHITE 

**Detective Pikachu** : IM SCARED THEY USUALLY ONLY YELL AT ME

 **CAWCAW** : i wake up to an empty bed and when i go to look for Shuri she is yelling at wade who happens to be on the roof 

**CAWCAW** : i didnt even have coffee yet 

**Rat Dad** : clint its like 4 in the afternoon

 **CAWCAW** : yeah and?

 **Barnes & Noble**: welcome to the married life 

**CAWCAW** : we arent married- 

**CAWCAW** : now i walk into kates room and america is just sobbing on the floor while kate cradles her head what is my life

 **CAWCAW** : ned please dont be doing anything stupid

 **Furby Fucker** : walking furby

 **CAWCAW** : nevermind he is

 **Clint’s Cock Warmer** : so i got wade off the roof 

**Clint’s Cock Warmer** : clint, why are you drinking from the coffee pot we have fucking mugs 

**CAWCAW** : depression

 **CAWCAW** : more espresso less depresso 

**Rat Dad** : mood

 **Dumblewhore** : mood

 **Whoreki** : mood

 **Clint’s Cock Warmer** : **@America’s Ass** is it too late to move back in? 

**America’s Ass:** NO NEVER PLEASE COME BACK 

_[America’s Ass deleted a message]_

**America’s Ass** : Yeah sorry. 

**Clint’s Cock Warmer** : damn 

**CAWCAW** : what did you delete???

 **Whoreki** : :)))

 **Rat Dad** : pussy boi whyd you delete 

**America’s Ass:** I misspelled something. 

**Whoreki** : :))))))

 **Barnes & Noble**: poor bby


	23. Loki k n o w s

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of the party

**CAWCAW** : okay so im never throwing a party again

**Whoreki** : i break a table on accident and suddenly im dangerous 

**Rat Dad** : loki you had a knife

**Clint’s Cock** Warmer: idk bout yall but the after party was great ;) 

**CAWCAW** : ;)

**Barnes & Noble:** fuck you my man fell asleep as soon as we got home 

**Assgard’s Biggest Thot** : i owe clint a new tv 

**CAWCAW** : yeah fucK YOU NOW I CANT WATCH  SAY YES TO THE DRESS

**Clint’s Cock** Warmer: damn wish i was them 

**CAWCAW** : you want a new dress?

**Clint’s Cock Warmer** : yeah sure whatever 

**Barnes & Noble** : i- 

**Petty Pepper** : subject change the party was great and we need more 

**CAWCAW** : NOT AT MY PLACE 

**Detective Pikachu** : i still find it shitty on how us  _ children _ had to go to peters aunts 

**Walmart Iron Lad** : i mean,,,,,it wasnt THAT bad

**Furby Fucker** : she made some pretty good cookies 

**Babey** : yeah i dont get how she can bake but cant make actual food for shit 

**Detective Pikachu** : yeah she attempted pizza and almost killed us all 

**The better Hawkeye** : ha me and meri just went out and caused chaos in the city 

**Ms.Ameribitch** : no we didnt all we did was chill at the park and get some hot dogs 

**The better Hawkeye** : damn why you gotta expose us like that 

**CAWCAW** : at least you guys had fun 

**CAWCAW** : i just stayed at home and watched all my shit get destroyed 

**Clint’s Cock Warmer** : you make it sound like you didnt have any fun at all 

**Rat Dad** : yeah i saw you drink like no tomorrow and everything what the fuck are you talking about 

**Assgard’s Biggest Thot** : i got the new tv 

**CAWCAW** : hells yesssss 

**CAWCAW** : also stfu rat man dont out me

**Ms.Ameribitch** : hey Kate if I had a garden I'd put our tulips together ;) 

**The better Hawkeye** : awww

**CAWCAW** : shuri if I had a garden you'd be my hoe 

_ [Clint's Cock Warmer changed their name to Shurbro]  _

**CAWCAW** : shurbro? 

**The better Hawkeye** : DON'T DO IT MERI

_ [Ms.Ameribitch has changed their name to Ameribro]  _

**Ameribro** : i have no idea what youre talking about 

**The better Hawkeye** : i-

**The better Hawkeye** : you know what fuck it. I love my chaotic gf

**CAWCAW** : id say the same but id be lying

**Shurbro** : wow okay then guess I'll go with johnny

**Reject Charmander** : you called lovedove? 

**CAWCAW** : wait no fuck off flaming hot cheeto 

**Shurbro** : :( so rood 

**America’s Ass** : Since when were Shuri and America friends

**Ameribro** : before we got together with the bird fam 

**Ameribro** : you do realize I travelled a lot after entering this dimension right 

**The better Hawkeye** : damn shuri met my gorf before me 

**Shurbro** : uwu

**CAWCAW** : thats pretty gay ngl 

**Rat Dad** : no u

**CAWCAW** : guess im gay now

**Rat Dad** : arent you bi

**CAWCAW** : yea and?

**Detective Pikachu** : yellow is arguing with white again,,,,,

**Shurbro** : what are they saying this time? 

**Detective Pikachu** : i dont think im allowed to say 

**Detective Pikachu** : they might get mad if i spoil a future chapter :(( 

**Detective Pikachu** : then again i CAN HINT

**Detective Pikachu** : ya boy boutta get sum fuck

**Shurbro** : hahaha funny,,,,,

**Detective Pikachu** : the real question is, will i top or bottom

**Gremlin** : top

**Detective Pikachu** : aight bet 

**Gremlin** : ;;))

**Detective Pikachu** : wait do you-

**Gremlin** : ;;))

**Detective Pikachu** : oh shit oh fuck


	24. Here comes the bride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wedding???

**Rat Dad** : update, im leaving the magic man 

**Barnes & Noble** : what did he do? 

**Dumblewhore** : I had the last cup of coffee.

**Rat Dad** : you monster >:( 

**Dumblewhore** : guess im not taking you on a coffee date then

**Rat Dad** : so whens the wedding :) 

**Dumblewhore** : wait howd you know i was going to propose 

**Rat Dad** : waIT WHAT

**Shurbro** : at least someone gets the idea 

**CAWCAW** : whaT AM I DOING WRONG 

**Dumblewhore** : guess the cats out of the bag

**CAWCAW** : you trapped a poor kitty in a bag??!:((

**Shurbro** : you trapped my brother in a bag?

**Barnes & Noble** : You have a what now 

**Rat Dad** : im sobbing im finally getting married

**Rat Dad** : peter harley america help me go dress shopping

**Detective Pikachu** : yellow just nutted everywhere 

**Natattack** : tony why do you have so many fucking kids

**Petty Pepper** : any time he sees an orphan genius or super powered kid he gets the adoption papers

**Whoreki** : “Another super powered kid?? This is getting insane!!” -Tony as hes signing the adoption papers 

**Furby Fucker** : so why is harley on that list that boi dumb 

**Walmart Iron Lad** : i literally made my own suit and all youve made is a half functioning furby tf u mean

**Babey** : he menaes youre dumb 

**Walmart Iron Lad** : menaes

**Ameribro** : menaes

**Furby Fucker** : menaes

**The better Hawkeye** : menaes 

**Detective Pikachu** : menaes

**Rat Dad** : menaes

**Babey** : mr.stark you too?? :((

**Rat Dad** : peter you had friday play roblox oof whenever one of my experiments blow up

**Babey** : fair enough

**Petty Peper** : stop attacking my baby you heathens 

**Natattack** : wait is it my week with peter now? 

**Petty Pepper** : no hes mine 

**Natattack** : am i even listed as a parent

**Petty Pepper** : lmao no he lives at the tower tho

**Babey** : yeah come visit me mom #2 :))))

**Natattack** : brb gotta go see my spider son

**Rat Dad** : hey thats my nickname for him

**Assgard’s Biggest Thot** : i cant have a kid because i can barley take care of myself 

**Whoreki** : thats the most responsible thing youve ever said 

**Whoreki** : i could probably have a kid but then again id probably accidentally kill it somehow

**Rat Dad** : please never have kids 

**Rat Dad** : ever 


	25. Clint is big dumb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When will he figure it out smh

**CAWCAW** : is shuri dropping hints at somethin? 

**Rat Dad** : why dont you ask her? 

**CAWCAW** : cause when i do she glares at me- 

**CAWCAW** : shes hot but scary 

**America’s Ass** : Just like Bucky. 

**Barnes & Noble** : :) 

**Shurbro** : i really love a dumbass huh? 

**America’s Ass** : Yeah pretty much. 

**CAWCAW** : i even got her a dress like she wanted but apparently that wasnt it 

**Shurbro** : >:((((

**Whoreki** : :)))

**Shurbro** : the dress was nice tho ngl 

**CAWCAW** : it cost me a whole $15 at ross 

**America’s Ass** : how are you so broke but rich at the same time? 

**CAWCAW** : i really dont know 

**Shurbro** : hold up 

**Shurbro** : ross? 

**CAWCAW** : i may have money but that dont mean i can afford gucci 

**Shurbro** : i mean i wouldve been fine if it was target but ross?? 

**Natattack** : in his defense i got a $90 dress for $20 at ross

**Shurbro** : aight ill accept it this one time 

**CAWCAW** : anyways SHURI PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU MEAN 

**Shurbro** : >:(

**Barnes & Noble** : wow hes just like steve was 

**America’s Ass** : In my defense, I’m pretty dumb. 

**Barnes & Noble** : wbk sis 

**Ameribro** : im ashamed to share a name with you

**Ameribro** : anyways, kate mi angel, theres only one thing i dont like about you

**The better Hawkeye** : D:

**Ameribro** : your last name, mind taking mine?

**CAWCAW** : no nuh uh no marrying yet you two you’re like 10

**Shurbro** : wow even america knows what most girls want 

**CAWCAW** : WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME 

**Ameribro** : sorry bro, your man is a dumbass

**The better Hawkeye** : im just over here dying bc meri made mE BLUSH IN PuBLIC AGAIN

**Ameribro** : ;) 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wonder what shuri wants from clint


	26. Mr. Stark...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're not sorry

_ [Clint Barton has messaged Shuri Barnes-Rogers]  _

**Clint** : PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT 

**Shuri** : i thought me pointing at the wedding dresses in your dumb show was a good enough hint 

**Clint** : you want a white dress??? I can do that, it’ll be gucci i saved the money from my second job at target

**Shuri** : i- 

**Shuri** : doesnt tony pay the avengers??? Why the fuck are you working at target????

**Clint** : i wanna be independent I dont need no man to pay my bills

**Shuri** : youre bouta be “independent” pretty soon istg 

**Clint** : you want me to do the chores this week?

**Clint** : ????

**Clint** : shuri ik you read this why arent you answering its been like 10 minutes 

**Clint** : i just checked its actually been 3 minutes

_ [Shurbro has messaged Welcome Home Clit Butter]  _

**Shurbro** : should i just tell him or???

**Rat Dad** : nah sis hes smart enough 

**The better Hawkeye** : dont give the poor girl hope 

_ [Clint Barton has created the groupchat “Help”] _

_ [Clint Barton has added Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, and Tony Stark] _

**Clint** : ok so i know i look like an idiot

**Tony** : so nothing new

**Bucky** : ha

**Steve** : Yes, and?

**Clint** : ok so i know Shuri wants to get married right?? I came up with the perfect plan

**Bucky** : oMG JFIDBSDBSHAB

**Steve** : Is this you asking for permission?

**Clint** : well duh

**Tony** : then why am i here

**Clint** : youll see

**Steve** : You knew we’d give our blessing didn’t you?

**Clint** : ye

**Bucky** : whaTS THE PLAN???

**Clint** : ok so

_ [Babey has messaged Welcome Home Clit Butter] _

**Babey** : ok uh so

**Babey** : i may or may not have

**Babey** : i cannot stress this enough

**Babey** : accidentally

**Babey** : drank 50 red bulls 

**Rat Dad** : HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY DRINK 50 RED BULLS 

**Babey** : in my defense i have a physics test tomorrow and i was trying to stay awake to study

**Babey** : and ya know my metabolism bc of my spidey 

**Petty Pepper** : waht happened to you being the smartest kid in the school? You lyin now? 

**Babey** : oh no i am

**Babey** : book and school smart

**Babey** : street smart???? Not so much

**Babey** : i feel weird am i dying??? Is this what dying feels like???

**Babey** : mr stark??

**Babey** : mr stark i dont feel so good

**Rat Dad** : youre alright,,,,,

**Rat Dad** : im omw to your room dont worry you’ll be ok

**Babey** : i dont wanna go please mr. stark 

**Babey** : im sorry,,,,,

**Rat Dad** : just let me fucking take you to medical peter sTOP CRAWLING AWAY

**Babey** : LET ME FUCKING DIE IN PEACE 

**Rat Dad** : for the love of god you arent dying


	27. :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh oh fuck we're going to die

_ [Peter Parker has messaged Three Blind Mice]  _

**Peter** : so do yall wanna go to the movies or somethin? 

**Ned** : actually peter, me and harley wanna talk to you about something,,,,

**Harley** : yeah we just dont think this will work anymore 

**Ned** : you almost always come back from patrol injured in a way 

**Ned** : it worries us and we just cant anymore

**Peter** : wait what are you guys saying? 

**Harley** : we’re saying we can’t take it anymore

**Harley** : spider-man is so dangerous, and you can be reckless, we dont wanna have to deal with you being really hurt or, hell, dead. Its just become too much for us

**Harley** : we just-we just cant take it anymore peter, please understand

**Peter** : Yeah I understand, I’m sorry I put you two through this, I hope you two stay happy together!

**Harley** : thanks so much for understanding pete, we’re still friends right?

**Peter** : Yeah of course

**Ned** : thanks peter, and if it means anything, were sorry

Peter: Yeah sure

_ [Peter Parker has left Three Blind Mice] _

_ [Peter Parker has messaged Tony Stark] _

**Peter** : they lef tme mr srsrk

**Tony** : peter?? Are you ok??!!

**Peter** : mr srark i was thrown awya they said it was too mcuch mr stark i cant breathe

**Tony** : deep breaths underoos, tell me what happened

**Peter** : Harley and Ned broke up with me because spider-man was too much for them

**Tony** : shit kid, what did you say? Where are you im on my way

**Peter** : my room, i told them it was ok, cant let them know how much it hurts. It hurts so bad mr stark why does it hurt so bad?

**Tony** : i know it hurts kid, im outside your door, let me in?

_ [Walmart Iron Lad has messaged Welcome Home Clit Butter] _

**Walmart Iron Lad** : can anyone tell me why tony and peter are avoiding me???

**Furby Fucker** : harles we know why, just give it time it’ll be ok

**America’s Ass** : Wait, what happened?

**Furby Fucker** : we broke up with peter, why we did is personal 

**Barnes & Noble** : shit are you all ok?

**Walmart Iron Lad** : ned and i are ok, peter’s probably avoiding us so he can feel better faster

**Natattack** : and tony? 

**Furby Fucker** : we dont know

**Shurbro** : you guys are idiots

**CAWCAW** : ^^^^^

**Walmart Iron Lad** : jesus we said it was personal, breakups happen its fucking normal jeez

_ [This is America has messaged Young Avengers & CO] _

**This is America** : how you holding up hermanito?

**Kit Kate** : The rest of the team and I are on our way 

**Locki** : pepper and tony are coming back now

**Spiderbaby** : thank you thank you i love you guys so much

**Spiderbaby** : they really sont xcare oh my god

**This is America** : i told you to stop reading the main chat

**Spiderbaby** : did they ever even care?

**Kit Kate** : we’re all here open the door hun

**Locki** : or ill break it down

**This is America** : now isnt the time lokes

**Spiderbaby** : i love you gjys so muc h


	28. The hurt isnt over yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter is,,,ok?

**The better Hawkeye** : update for those who are worried, peter is feeling better 

**Shurbro** : thank god 

**Walmart Iron Lad** : see? Told you he’d get over it faster this way

**Detective Pikachu** : yellow is really fucking sobbing out here huh 

**Detective Pikachu** : white is fucking evil 

**Shurbro** : wade, now isnt the time

**Ameribro** : kate has to fucking hold me back

**Furby Fucker:** wouldnt you know above anyone about breakups america?

**Ameribro** : que pedazo de mierda no puedo creer que

**The better Hawkeye** : ok now she has to hold me back

**Walmart Iron Lad** : you guys are overreacting?? When we texted him about it he said it was fine

**Natattack** : you dumped him over text??? Thats such a scumbag move??

**Furby Fucker** : i mean knowing peter he’d just run if we tried, then we might feel bad and back out of doing it

**Assgard’s Biggest Thot** : I’m coming very close to smiting you right now

**Dumbewhore** : seconded 

**Reject Charmander** : you two are bigger hotheads then i am

**Walmart Iron Lad** : fucking hell, ned lets go offline because obviously no one understands a PRIVATE breakup

**CAWCAW** : :/

**Shurbro** : fucking idiots

_ [Kit Kate has messaged Young Avengers and CO] _

**Kit Kate** : they had to bring in meri’s fucking exes how scummy is that

**Locki** : i’m this close to obliterating them 

**Spiderbaby** : guys please dont, its clear they only care about themselves right now, thats probably all they ever cared about

_ [This is America has added Pepper Potts and Tony Stark to Young Avengers and CO] _

**Pepper** : honey no, i’m sure they cared about you, even now

**Spiderbaby** : clearly not, clearly all they wanted was a third person for the relationship and didnt care if it was me. Hell, maybe theyre looking for another gullible loser to trick into a relationship

**Tony** : peter you arent a loser

**This is America** : anyone who says otherwise will have iron man, and the young avengers on their ass, no matter who they are? Ok chico?

**Spiderbaby** : if you say so

**Locki** : wanna do a movie night or something? Maybe rent a hotel or something so you can get away from it all?

**Spiderbaby** : please dont leave me alone, i dont know what id do if i was alone

**Tony** : dont worry, we’ll all be with you, promise

**Spiderbaby** : for how long?

**Tony** : always


	29. zADDIES

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How are Harley and Ned?

**Ameribro** : how can i sucessfully kill a man

**The better Hawkeye** :  **@Detective Pikachu @Whoreki**

**Babey** : oh yesS ZaDdDiEs

**Whoreki** : ;;)) 

**Detective Pikachu** : hey baby boy maybe later you loki and i could ;;)))

**Rat Dad** : nuh uh back the fuckitty off wilson ill kill you

**Detective Pikachu** : i literally cannot die

**Babey** : ugh his mi n d

**Shurbro** : sobs they grow up so fast

**Ameribro** : that doesnt answer my question 

**Whoreki** : ill dm u meri

**Ameribro** : thx lokes

**Babey** : cAN I CALL YOU LOKES TOO???

**Detective Pikachu** : OHHH ME TOO ME TOO!!!

**Whoreki** : …..

**The better Hawkeye** : hes blushing

**Whoreki** : fUCK OFF KATE

**Whoreki** : and yes yeah sure whatever

**Babey** : :DDDD Can we watch a movie together?? Lokes?? Wade??

**Detective Pikachu** : anything for you baby boy

**Whoreki** : yeah what should we watch??

**Babey** : call me a weeb, but theres this movie i wanna show more people!!!! Have you guys seen Howels Moving Castle?

**Whoreki** : no?

**Detective Pikachu** : thas the ONE Ghibli movie I haven’t seen

**Babey** : lets watch it then :D

**Whoreki** : sure

**Detective Pikachu** : yes!!!

**Babey** : yaaaay!!!

**Natattack** : peter has a date???!! With lOKI AND WADE WILSON???

**Babey** : and i oop-

**Whoreki** : sh u t u p

_ [Harley Keener has messaged Ned Leeds] _

**Harley** : is it bad i’m getting jealous?? I mean we’re the ones who broke up with him? AND both loki and wade have powers….they could probably protect him better than us…

**Ned** : harley we did this for a reason remember? We talked about this for like two months now…

**Harley** : i know its just...i don’t know

**Ned** : i mean peter seems to be getting over it quickly, maybe he was expexting this to happen for a while? Makes it easier on us you know?

**Harley** : ned you and i both know you’re lying, we both know this hurts

**Harley** : i cant help it ok? I still love him but this is for the best isnt it? I just couldnt deal with it anymore

**Ned** : yeah its for the best


	30. They've tainted him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Babey** : guess who made out with a fuckin god and immortal merc

**Rat Dad** : nO THEY’VE TAINTED YOU

**Whoreki** : in my defense he kissed me

**Detective Pikachu** : baby boy has a fine ass 

**Rat Dad** : oh my fuck they’ve tainted him oh god oh fuck

**Ameribro** : ok fuck they’re all my friends i dont know who to give the shovel talk to

**Ameribro** : ok i got it

**Ameribro** : ok chicos, if ANY one of you is crying because of the others, i will absolutely dESTROY YOUR ENTIRE BLOODLINE

**Whoreki** : meri ive known you for like ever and you still scare me so yeah i wont hurt either of them

**Detective Pikachu** : oh god oh fuck i might actually fucking die

**Babey** : instant fear

**Ameribro** : :)))

**CAWCAW** : ….

**Shurbro** : …..

**Rat Dad** : shuri, clint, talk later, we’ll figure it out

**CAWCAW** : ok good

**Babey** : anyways i dont have boyfriends yet but maybe sooooon, gotta get myself some dates first

**Whoreki** : fair enough

**Detective Pikachu** : for how long tho?? I want some boyfs, or even a singular boyf works too aint that right babey boy ;;))

**Babey:** swoons eventually

**Whoreki** : i cant stand either of you

**Ameribro** : he’s lying his face is red

**Whoreki** : mERI WHY

**Ameribro** : :)))

**The better Hawkeye** : meri take me on a date i miss u

**Ameribro** : sorry boys my lady calls

**Babey** : damn i wish that were me

**Detective Pikachu** : maybe later baby boy

**Babey** : owO

**Rat Dad** : i am disgusted i am revolted I dedicated my entire life to our lord and savior jesus christ and this is the thanks i get??????

**Barnes & Noble** : you called?

**America’s Ass** : Bucky no-

**Assgard’s Biggest Thot** : my brother has finally found himself a possible friend or lover! Let us rejoice!

**Petty Pepper** : who in the fuck is dating my kid


	31. Bro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bro

_ [Shurbro has changed their name to Shuri Barton]  _

**Shuri Barton** : i swear to god I will commit self delete

**CAWCAW** : you wanna share taxes?

**Shuri Barton** :  **@America's Ass** guess I'm moving back in 

_ [Shuri Barton has left the chat] _

**CAWCAW** : all according to keikaku

**America’s Ass** : If you make her cry I swear to God. 

**Barnes & Noble** : you better do it soon 

**CAWCAW** : she cant think im that stupid right? 

_ [Shuri Barnes-Rogers sent a message to America Chavez]  _

**Shuri** : bro? you there bro? 

**America** : yeah bro im here bro 

**Shuri** : hes so dumb bro 

**America** : elope with johnny bro 

**Shuri** : just might bro 

_ [America’s Ass has added Shuri Barnes-Rogers to Welcome Home Clit Butter]  _

_ [Shuri Barnes-Rogers changed their name to Shurbro]  _

**Ameribro** : bRO 

**Shurbro** : reunion time bro 

**Ameribro** : i missed you bro 

**Shurbro** : i misSED YOU TOO BRO 

**Ameribro** : NEVER LEAVE ME AGAIN BRO 

**Shurbro** : I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU BRO

**The better Hawkeye** : wha-

**The better Hawkeye** : not again 

**Barnes & Noble** : what the fuck- 

**CAWCAW** : i feel betrayed 

**Shurbro** : stfu its bro time 

**Ameribro** : everytime is bro time 

**The better Hawkeye** : ……. 

**The better Hawkeye** : meri come overrrr

**Ameribro** : sorry bro 

**Ameribro** : bro time is over 

**Shurbro** : D: 

**CAWCAW** : ill be your bro :)

**Shurbro** : yall hear somthin? 

**Barnes & Noble** : damn she really finna commit homiecide again huh? 

**CAWCAW** : so you dont wanna share taxes shuri? 

**Shurbro** : i will end your entire fucking bloodline starting with you 


	32. Furries unite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wakanda shit is this

_ [Shurbro has added T’Challa to Welcome Home Clit Butter]  _

**T’Challa** : Why have you brought me here?

**Shurbro** : just wait 

**America’s Ass** : T’Challa? How does Shuri know you?

**Barnes & Noble** : ha, furry 

**T’Challa** : Shuri is my sister. Barnes I am not a furry. 

**America’s Ass** : She’s your what now?

**Barnes & Noble** : stfu youre a god damn furry and you know it 

**Barnes & Noble** : wait what? Shuri wtf? 

**Shurbro** : ha yeah lol im the princess of wakanda 

**Detective Pikachu** : wow white left yellow and this is what happens 

**Detective Pikachu** : does this make me a prince? 

**Whoreki** : either way id still kneel for you ;) 

**Shurbro** : i-

**America’s Ass** : Then how did we adopt you?

**T’Challa** : We were in a rough spot during the moment she was born and we didn’t want her going through it so my mother brought her to America where she can live a normal and better life. 

**CAWCAW** : wow my princess really is a princess i knew i was doing something right

**Barnes & Noble: ** wait shuri when did you even find out??? 

**Shurbo:** i always knew lmao im not an idiot. Plus Brother wanted to stay in contact

**T’Challa:** Gotta make sure my little sister is safe. 

_ [Shubro has changed T’Challa’s name to Furry Noir] _

**Furry Noir:** Nevermind, I hope she dies. 

**Shurbro** : ah, sibling love :) 

**America’s Ass** : You’re not gonna take her back to Wakanda, right? 

**Barnes & Noble: ** i’ll commit mass genocide dont test me 

**Furry Noir:** Oh no, that’s all up to her when she wants to come and go. 

**Shurbro** : now i can cause chaos everywhere 

**CAWCAW** : why are you so hot but so scary at the same time? 

**Furry Noir:** She gets it from me

**Barnes & Noble: ** excuse you? 

**Barnes & Noble: ** SHE GETS IT FROM ME I RAISED HER 

**Furry Noir:** Yes? Shuri and I are biological siblings, so obviously we’ll have some similar traits?

**America’s Ass:** He’s got a point there. 

**Barnes & Noble: ** whos side are you even on 

_ [Babey Boi has messaged The 3 Stooges] _

**Babey Boi** : when do we tell them we’re not dating

**Whalesin** : maybe not now but later ;;)))

**Broccoli demon:** you needed a safe relapse and we were here for that, nothing wrong with it

**Babey Boi** : uwu

**Whalesin:** swoons, what a cutie, too good for this world

**Babey Boi** : i literally just yeeted off a building and threw eggs at oscorp

**Whalesin** : sWOONS wow the authors really know what a man wants ;;)

**Broccoli demon:** i hate you both

**Babey Boi:** :((

**Broccoli demon** : i had to do it to em

**Whalesin:** i have a feeling some readers arent gonna like that loki and i arent fucking and are just flirty bffs

**Babey Boi** : ????

**Whalesin:** dont worry your pretty little head about it honey buns 

  
  



	33. Box fort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuri's moving :(

**CAWCAW:** when shuri said she was moving back with her parents i didnt think she would actually start packing 

**Shurbro:** hes sitting on the boxes

**Shurbro** : he is now making a box fort 

**CAWCAW** : its illegal to move out so you can help me make a fort out of these 

**Shurbro** : why dont we just make a fort in your room? ;) 

**CAWCAW:** why would we do that? 

**CAWCAW:** OH OKAY YEAH SURE 

**Furby Fucker** : not in front of my salad,,,,,p l e a s e

**The better Hawkeye:** yall hear somethin?

**Furby Fucker:** fuck off youre adopted 

**Ameribro:** whos gonna tell him 

**Whoreki:** ned you’re adopted

**Detective Pikachu:** damn i wanted to tell him 

**Shurbro:** youre adopted too wade- 

**Detective Pikachu:** guess it runs in the family

**Shurbro** : i feel proud but also attacked so that means youre grounded 

_ [Babey has changed their name to Pete McYeet] _

**Pete McYeet** : awww guess we have to cancel our plans with the YA :((

**CAWCAW:** youtube association?

**Pete McYeet** : wh- n-no?? The Young Avengers???

**Shurbro:** this is the man i call baby daddy 

**America’s Ass:** Your what now? 

**CAWCAW:** shuri,,,,youre,,,?

**Shurbro** : ;) 

**Detective Pikachu:** damn i wanna get pregnant with peters baby 

**Pete McYeet** : i-anyways. Guess we have to reschedule?

**Rat Dad:** you wanna what now wilson?

**Walmart Iron Lad** : ….

**Detective Pikachu:** did i stutter?

**Furby Fucker:** mom wade is being a crackhead again

**Ameribro:** weird im getting random empty texts wonder what it is

**Shurbro** : wait, ned has never called me mom before- 

**Shurbro:** dont be petty right now bro im getting emotional 

**Ameribro** : dunno what you mean chica theres these random empty spaces like maldito

**Whoreki:** damn i havent seen meri this petty in a while

**Ameribro:** i think the last time i was this petty was with the incident with ultimate nulifier 

**The better Hawkeye:** you mean ultimate niffler 

**Whoreki:** Ultback nutler 

**CAWCAW:** are-are we just gonna ignore what shuri said???

**Shurbro:** yep 

**CAWCAW:** hell no your ass better be home in the next few minutes istg 

**Shurbro:** no fuck you :) 

3:00am

**Pete McYeet** : i hunger

8:00 am

**Rat Dad:** kid what the fuck

**Ameribro:** did you not hear him hes hunger 

**Dumblewhore:** i shall feed tonys child to get sum fuck

**Rat Dad** : damn get yoself a man who feeds your kids

**Petty Pepper:** excuse me

**America’s Ass** : i wish bucky fed my kid

**Barnes & Noble** : shes eating something thats for sure

**CAWCAW** : sorry its the other way around ://

**Shurbro:** damn stop calling us out 

**CAWCAW:** please come home ;-;

**Shurbro** : no fuck you

**CAWCAW** : but i bought the movie you wanted :((

**Shurbro:** how the fuck did you get the uncut version of the Bee Movie

**CAWCAW:** i had to do so many things….like clean dishes

**Shurbro** : wow i finally dont have to do all the cleaning

**CAWCAW** : yeah i paid consuela to do it

**Shurbro:** oh shit shes back? I thought she got arrested

**CAWCAW** : ye

**Shurbro** : nice

12:00 pm

**Furby Fucker:** yo  **@Barnes & Noble ** is shuri still with you guys? clint hasnt slept since yesterday and is currently on his 34th cup of coffee 

**Barnes & Noble: ** yeah shes still here and she isnt pregnant she said that to fuck around with clint 

**CAWCAW:** i read parenting boOKS FOR NOTHING??

**America’s Ass:** Yeah, sounds about right. 

  
  



	34. Feelings Aren’t A Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha

_ [Clint Barton has messaged Shuri Barnes-Rogers] _

**Clint:** fake pregnancy?? really??

**Shuri:** oh no! hes smart! 

**Clint:** okay you know what? Im sick of this

**Shuri:** sick of what? Your dumbassery?

**Clint:** this! What gives you the right to continue to treat me like garbage?

**Shuri:** lol bc you are garbage 

**Clint** : wow, you’re serious arent you?

**Shuri:** lmao yeah 

**Clint:** You know what? Fuck you. Fuck this. I’m done. I can’t believe I went through all the trouble to plan the perfect proposal when I get treated like I’m nothing by the one person I thought would care.

**Clint:** So you know what? Fuck it. Go move back in with your parents, take Wade, or don’t, I don’t-I can’t care anymore. Fuck Shuri, do you really hate me this much? Did you really have this much fun playing with my heart like this? Was it all some fucking joke to you?

**Clint:** Just-I can’t. I can’t anymore

**Shuri:** clint wait no, im sorry

**Shuri:** Clint?

**Shuri** : Clint it’s been like 15 minutes answer me

**Shuri** : Please?

**_[_ ** _ Whoreki has messaged Welcome Home Clit Butter] _

**Whoreki** : meri pls dont hurt me 

**Ameribro** : you’re on thin fucking ice snake boi

**Whoreki** : LISTEN I THOUGHT THE OREOS WERE FOR EVERYONE

**Ameribro** : i bought those for kate and i to share on date night you asfuckian

**The better Hawkeye:** wow i couldve been eating like royalty huh

**Ameribro:** sorry princessa, but youll still be treated like royalty either way   
**Whoreki:** those oreos might be coming back up if yall keep doing this 

**Pete Mcyeet** : damn amerikate be the most successful relationship here huh

**Dumblewhore** : i resent that

**Rat Dad** : :/ you stole my coffee

**Dumblewhore** : ok fair

**America’s Ass** : He isn’t wrong. 

**Barnes & Noble** : wow ouch

**America’s Ass** : :)

**Detective Pikachu:** yellow and white have a somewhat stable relationship 

**Detective Pikachu:** nvm yellow is about to kill white again 


	35. Woah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha x20

**Shurbro** : i miss dick-i mean clint

 **America’s Ass** : shuri, stop. We talked about this yesterday

 **Barnes & Noble**: listen to your father, now isn’t the time. 

**Shurbro** : but-

 **America’s Ass** : no buts

 **Ameribro** : damn i thought everything about you was butts, seeing as youre ‘america’s ass’

 **America’s Ass** : i guess i’m fighting a 12 year old

 **Ameribro:** you and i both know i’ll kick your american ass

 **America’s Ass** : ok fair

 **Barnes & Noble: **can you guys like not do this rn

 **Ameribro** : sorry

 **Shurbro:** dunno why yall are so upset he’ll come crawling back for forgiveness in no time, like the bitch boy he is

 **CAWCAW:** will i now? 

**Shurbro** : lol see?

 **CAWCAW** : nope, just here to ask steve and buck a question

 **America’s Ass:** Yeah Clint?

 **CAWCAW** : help me with returning the stuff i had ready?

 **Barnes & Noble**: yeah on our way

 **Detective Pikachu:** damn, ima miss duct taping ned to the ceiling 

**Furby Fucker:** haha i wont,,,,

 **Pete McYeet** : wade come over

 **Detective Pikachu** : cant im busy

 **Pete McYeet** : im home alone

 **Detective Pikachu** : omw

 **Rat Dad** : nope not happening, i got pepper to transfer guardianship to me, im coming home rn

 **Pete Mcyeet** : QUICK WADE THE WINDOW

 **Detective Pikachu** : IM ON IT BABY BOY

 **Pete McYeet** : NO I DIDNT MEAN JUMP OUT THE WINDOWJTEHEHSHSB

 **Rat Dad:** HE WAS ALREADY THERE???? 

**Pete McYeet:** coughs

 **Pete McYeet:** nooo,,,,,,,,,

 **Detective Pikachu:** i brke m fot 

**Whoreki** : this dumb fuck really jumped out the window huh

 **Detective Pikachu:** it ws he ony wat 

**Rat Dad:** i have a fucking elevator you couldve used 

**The better Hawkeye:** clint took lucky for a walk 

**The better Hawkeye:** he never goes outside unless he needs to 

**Ameribro** : damn, he must really be upset

 **Furby Fucker:** he threw the coffee pot at a wall earlier and now theres glass everywhere,,,

 **The better Hawkeye** : just clean it?

 **Furby Fucker:** nah i think ill just stay in my room

 **The better Hawkeye** : ned youre lazy 

**Furby Fucker:** no it’s more of me being terrified but go off ig 

**The better Hawkeye** : says the one whos a ‘guy in the chair’ and got put in danger before with no issues ://

 **Furby Fucker:** youre not even home kate, you dont get to see him how i do

 **Furby Fucker:** the man who seemed happy and everything is now a mess and is breaking shit and its scary 

**The better Hawkeye** : jeez i wonder why

 **The better Hawkeye** : maybe only having one kid there to comfort him while the other is out doing god knows what had an effect on him

 **Furby Fucker:** kate i dont think you understand, i want to comfort him but he could quite literally snap me in half or something 

**The better Hawkeye** : he may be upset, but do you really think hed hurt you????

 **Furby Fucker:** i didnt think hed break the coffee maker or go outside but here we are 

**The better Hawkeye** : huh, its almost as if anger makes a person act different huh? Guess you dont know how that is bc bc you’re so perfect ://

 **Furby Fucker:** this is about clint and shuri not about some dumb teenage kids okay? 

**The better Hawkeye** : this may be about them but im not gonna sit here and do nothing while you do nothing for our dad, whos done nothing but support and be there for us, and now you cant do the same for him because youre more attatched to shuri than your own dad? Maybe you should ask her to adopt you instead

 **Rat Dad:** hey woah settle down 

**Furby Fucker:** ive been talking to shuri because im trying to get them to talk it out because unlike you i actually want happiness for both of them 

**The better Hawkeye** : youre not gonna achieve that by ignoring one for the other. Unlike you, i know both sides of the story. Dont ask how, but i do

 **Furby Fucker:** you think ive been ignoring dad? I did try to talk to him but he just didnt want to 

**The better Hawkeye** : well when did you try? Right awat? Too late? Did you word it badly?

 **Rat Dad:** guys knock it off

 **The better Hawkeye:** no i wont, ned hasnt done anything 

**Rat Dad:** well, what have you done? 

**The better Hawkeye** : what i did is a private matter. All i’ll say is i was there for him. Fuck i cant do this, tony can i come see meri? Please?

 **Rat Dad** : yeah come on over

 **Ameribro** : come here princessa ive got you


	36. Shuri done fucked up (again)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are we really surprised

_ [Shuri Barnes-Rogers has messaged Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes]  _

**Shuri:** i fucked up i fucked up i fucked up i fucked up 

**Bucky:** uh yeah you kinda did 

**Steve** : Shuri, we love you but what you did was pretty bad. 

**Shuri:** i was only petty because well he just didnt get the hint ya know? And it was pretty heartbreaking because i love him so fucking much it literally kills me not to be with him right now. But i have accepted the fact that he just didnt love me the same way. 

**Steve** : Excuse me?

**Steve** : Shuri, I’m sorry but you’re being very selfish. Do you really think Clint is that stupid? I hate to say this, but did you let yourself think you’re better than everyone else because you’re a genius?

**Steve** : Shuri, Clint is one of the best Avengers, he’s smart, resourceful, and so much more, and you’re thinking that low of him?

**Steve** : He’s been working on proposing to you long before you mentioned wanting to. He got you the dress to trick you into wearing it to the place you first met so he could propose

**Steve** : He was PLAYING dumb so you wouldn’t suspect it. He went overboard and I’m honestly surprised you didn’t realize it sooner.

**Steve** : You’re literally the only one in the group chat who didn’t know. Everyone else played dumb better than Clint did, but even so, you say you love him, but you have such little faith in him.

**Steve** : Before you can try to work it out with him, try looking at yourself first. You treated him really badly you know? Think about how that affected him, and even with that, he still wanted to marry you, and honestly? That’s what makes him a great man, shame you didn’t see that sooner. 

**Shuri:** ok, i’m sorry. You’re right ok? I’m just so terrified of letting people in that i just seem to push them away when all i really want is to let people in

**Shuri** : i know how i treated clint terribly, and theres no excuse for it, but its scary to think how you can love someone so much that theres a point in time where you just cant live without them. He makes me feel that way and it scared the shit out of me. Again, theres no excuse for what i did and i realize that but its just- 

**Shuri:** its so hard it really is 

**Bucky** : why didnt you just tell him that?

**Shuri** : he wont answer any of my messages!

**Bucky** : that doesnt mean he wont read it. You cant fix things if you dont try, this goes both ways

**Shuri:** why would he try? its my fault 

**Bucky** : because he loves you

  
  



	37. Everyone is scared of Kate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fear the deer

**Dumblewhore** : tony come here

**Rat Dad** : why

**Dumblewhore** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Rat Dad** : i wont walk tomorrow will i?

**Dumblewhore** : no

**Rat Dad** : welp

**Pete McYeet** : i dont get it

**Detective Pikachu:** i can show you if youd like 

**Rat Dad** : dont you fucking dare you expired avocado 

**Walmart Iron Lad** : ….

**Furby Fucker:** not in front of my salad,,,,please 

**Detective Pikachu** : we don’t live together anymore fuckass so you dont gotta worry ;))

**Shurbro** : wade

**Detective Pikachu** : ye mom?

**Shurbro:** dont be fuckin rood 

**America’s Ass** : LANGUAGE

**Shurbro** : my mistake. Don’t be fucking rude.

**Detective Pikachu:** got it mom 

**Ameribro** : shes crying

**Shurbro** : doNT RAT ME OUT YOU BITCH

**Rat Dad** : i was called?

**Ameribro:** gtfo this is between me and my bro

**Rat Dad** : :(

**Shurbro:** oh wait, i have news 

**Shurbro:** i work at subway now :D 

**America’s Ass** : you’re literally a princess and have a lot of money

**Shurbro:** so who wants to order a footlong ;)) 

**Furry Noir:** Sister, why? You’re literally rich. 

**Shurbro:** why NOT 

**CAWCAW** : i dont like sandwiches 

**Shurbro** : thats not what your ass said when i made them

**Natattack** : you put a mousetrap in a sandwich one time and you’re never trusted to make lunch ever again-

**Shurbro** : wow okay you mess up a sandwich once and suddenly youre never trusted again, society these days smh. Nat was trying to feed your ungrateful asses. 

**Natattack** : in my defense i was trying to give it to tony

**Rat Dad** : i feel personally attacked

**Natattack** : good

**Shurbro:** id eat your sandwiches nat ;)) 

**Nattack** : no thanks i dont want a faker ;))

**Shurbro:** i feel not only attacked but offended and youll be hearing from my lawyer 

**Furby Fucker** : james charles who??

**Assgard’s Biggest Thot** : who is this james charles you speak of

**Petty Pepper:** loki is asgards james charles 

**Whoreki:** bitch. 

**The better Hawkeye** : you’re just mad bc shes right

**Whoreki** : no im mad how she just sold me out 

**Ameribro** : ha fuckin loser

**Petty Pepper:** and thor is tati 

**Shurbro:** marry me 

**Shurbro:** right now 

**Furby Fucker** : oh shit sisters

**Shurbro** : wait if nat was trying to give the sandwich to tony,,,,then how did clint get it???

**Natattack:** he took it thinking it was mine because i stole his gummy worms earlier 

**Shurbro** : ahhhh thats understandable 

**Shurbro:** love how birdboy only came on to diss on sandwiches 

**Natattack** : he says fuck off

**Shurbro:** cute 

**Shurbro:** oh wait,,,was I supposed to be hurt by that?? Lemme try again then. Ahhh my feelingsssss

**Natattack** : i can see why hes so upset right now.  **@The better Hawkeye** care to help?

**Shurbro** : cause i wont fight back?? Sorry but ive had enough breakups that they dont phase me anymore. 

**Natattack** : be glad i called kate over to clint and i

**Shurbro:** wait no im sorrrrryyyy dont bring kate shes scares me,,,,,,,,,,,

**The better Hawkeye** : :)

**Shurbro:** oh god oh fuck oh shit jesus help me now ill go back to church please i beg thee 

**Barnes & Noble** : god cant help you now Furi

**Shurbro:** mom please help me

**Shurbro:** dad?? Please i see her typing oh god 

**America’s Ass** : You did this to yourself uwu

_ [Furry Noir has changed their name to T’Challa]  _

**Pete McYeet:** oh no he’s learning

**T’Challa:** why is everyone afraid of Kate? She seems nice and what you consider ‘soft’. 

**The better Hawkeye** : dont cross me and you wont find out :)

**T’Challa:** I now fear one thing. 

**Ameribro** : im so in love with her right now

_ [Ameribro has changed their name to Ms. Chavhop] _

**Shurbro:** *sips tea* lost a bf and a bro 

**Shurbro:** thats how it be sometimes

_ [Shurbro has changed their name to Shuri]  _

**Ms.Chavhop** : damn thats a level of pettiness i havent seen in a while

**Shuri:** pettiness? What ever do you mean my dear friend? :)) 

**Ms.Chavhop:** …..

**Ms.Chavhop:** i’m telling kate

**Shuri:** wait no 

**Ms.Chavhop** : im the only one who doesnt fear kate bc i think its hot

**Shuri:** id say kinky buttttttttttttttt

**Ms.Chavhop** : shURI NO SHE DOESNT KNOW YET

**Shuri:** thats why i didnt say it you dumb fuck >:/ 

**Ms.Chavhop** : mierda

_ [Ms.Chavhop has deleted a message] _

**Ms.Chavhop** : why you talkin to yourself?

**Shuri** : im comin over to beat your ass 

**Ms.Chavhop** : kate is with me rn we cuddlin

**Shuri:** nevermind have a good day 


	38. Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're gonna hate us before you love us

_ [Harley Keener has messaged Ned Leeds] _

**Harley:** can we talk?

**Ned** : yeah whats up?

**Harley** : i’ve been thinking and-things just, arent the same without having peter in my life, and after talking with tony, and everyone else in the tower, i’ve realized my love for you two was never, romantic...i think it was more brotherly love than it was romantic love

**Harley:** not to be funny but it was quite literally bromance 

**Ned** : i’ve been thinking the same thing, i mean, i lost my best friend over this, it just doesn’t feel the same. 

**Harley** : so, i guess we’re over? 

**Ned** : I guess we are

**Harley** : god we treated pete so badly towards the end, i feel like the biggest piece of garbage ever

**Ned** : i don’t know if he’d talk to me yet, but maybe you should try? Since you two live together?

**Harley** : i’ll try, but i don’t think he’ll forgive me

**Ned** : maybe he wont forgive you, but he can start to?

**Harley** : youre right, ill try

**Ned** : bros?

**Harley** : bros

_ [Harley Keener has messaged Peter Parker] _

**Harley** : you dont have to answer, but i have to say this ok?

**Harley** : im sorry about everything. Ned is too. I feel so awful for hurting you and i want to make it up to you

**Harley** : ive realized the love i have for you and ned was never romantic, i just didnt realize it. The love for you was brotherly. Like, a brother who loves and cares for his sibling, who wants to hang out, cuddle (platonically), and protect him. 

**Harley** : i wish i realized this sooner, because then, maybe, it wouldnt have come to this. I hate how this ended and i wish i could change it. 

**Peter** : i cant say i forgive you, because you really hurt me harles, it hurt a lot.

**Harley** : i know and im sorry

**Peter** : but! But but but! We can start to heal together? Be friends again? Eventually?

**Harley** : thats fine! Take all the time you need! We can do it together?

**Peter** : i’m gonna call you onii-chan

**Harley** : die

**Peter** : i missed this :D

**Harley** : me too :))


	39. Shuri wdyd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not sorry

_ [Assgards Biggest Thot has added Bruce Banner to Welcome Home Clit Butter]  _

**Bruce:** i literally asked not to be here 

**Assgards Biggest Thot:** i was lonely 

**Bruce:** fair enough 

**Whoreki:** oh god bruce is getting some thunder dick tonite 

**Whoreki:** WAIT 

_ [Whoreki has changed Assgards Biggest Thot name to Thunder Dick]  _

**Thunder Dick:** why must you hurt me this way brother 

**Whoreki:** because I absolutely despise you 

**Thunder Dick:** :((

**Whoreki:** wait no youre my favorite in the family

**Whoreki:** other than mother of course but you get the idea you oaf 

**Thunder Dick:** :D 

**Rat Dad:** what? Loki actually loves thor?? Wow im either dying or already dead 

**Whoreki** : shut up tin can 

**Rat Dad:** nope im alive and kicking 

**Shurbro:** wow bruce??? 

**Bruce:** ‘thunder dick’ banajaja

**Bruce:** also hey shuri 

**Detective Pikachu:** sorry but its still cannon that shuri is the smartest in the MCU 

**Bruce:** MCU? wha- 

**Shuri:** dont ask 

**Bruce** : alright then, anyways i wont be on much ill be on and off at random times 

**Detective Pikachu:** only because the authors, or white and yellow, needed content since they almost abandoned this fic 

**Detective Pikachu:** i dont see why considering this is literally gods creation 

**Bruce:** whos kid is this 

**Shuri:** ,,,,,mine

**Bruce:** oh? So you and clint had a kid?? Congratulations!!

**Shuri:** WOAH WOAH WOAH SJAJSJAJSB 

**Shuri** : we uh actually broke up not to long ago,,,,

**Bruce:** oh how come? 

**Shuri:** im not really gf material im not into that whole commitment thing or whatever 

**Bruce:** ah i see sorry for bringing it up must be hard 

**Barnes & Noble: ** Shuri Barnes-Rogers you lying fuck- 

**Pete McYeet** : oh ymgodits doctor banner aKaznbfHDGRBZBbadbxbdbdbrAndh

**Pete McYeet:** i lOVe yOUd WoRK ILY

**Thunder Dick:** excuse you? 

**Pete McYeet** : oh my god both my childhood crushes are talking to me at once i mean what

_ [Pete McYeet has deleted a message] _

**Pete McYeet** : i mean h i you guy s are great wow you’re a adorabLe coUple

**Bruce** : aww peter you’re so sweet!

**Thunder Dick** : ….stark i’m stealing your kid as my own son

**Pete McYeet** : :O

**Rat Dad** : hippity hoppity get away from my kiddity you Torbjörn lookin ass

**Pete McYeet** : oh no i taught him too much overwatch

**Shuri:** bucky is banging on my door dad help 

**America’s Ass:** sorry cant hear you over this annoying banging coming from the hallway 

**Reject Charmander:** IM COMING MY LOVEDOVE 

**Shuri:** HONEYBUN MY HERO 

**Natattack:** wait if you and johnny are ‘married’ then why dont yall just date????

**Shuri:** we did date at some point but it didnt work out 

**Reject Charmander:** yeahhhhhhh 

_ [Shuri has changed their name to Johnny’s Lovedove]  _

_ [Reject Charmander has changed their name to Shuri’s Honeybun] _

**Walmart Iron Lad** : no more pokemon jokes?!!

**Pete McYeet:** blasphemy!!!

**Shuri’s Honeybun:** shuri wouldnt let me :(( 

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** sorry honeybun but id divorce 

**Petty Pepper:** wait yall dated?? When???

**Johnny’s Lovedove** : after clint and i had our first break, johnny helped me, spent time with me, spent the night, you know, the typical stuff to do for a lonely person

**Natattack:** uh oh


	40. Poor Clint :((

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The originals have a conversation regarding recent actions

_ [Clint has sent a message to The OG6]  _

**Clint:** guys 

**Clint:** she said they spent the night 

**Clint:** how could she do this??? That was our first big fight/break and she spent the night with johnny??? Did our relationship really mean nothing to her at all?? 

**Steve:** Clint that’s not what she meant, even though she could’ve worded it better. 

**Clint** : but how do i know that steve? How can i trust what she says anymore?

**Steve:** Because I was also with her. 

**Clint** : but you werent there all the time. God steve, this isnt about her potentially sleeping with him. This is about her moving on so quickly after our fight, as if what we had didnt matter. This is about her treating me like im less then human, so that she can get a good laugh. This is about how i constantly felt like i was worthless with her because of how much she put me down, and didnt care. This is about how im sick and tired of being treated like a joke

**Steve:** Clint, I don’t know what happened that day, hell we didn’t even know you guys were together at the time, but she was really upset and before America came along Johnny was her best friend. He came over with a bag of snacks and movies and ran to her room. She didn’t move on at all. He was just a friend. Also her treating you the way she did? Yeah it was shitty on her half but she has a reason and I don’t know if she’ll ever tell you or if you guys will ever get back together but time will tell. 

**Clint** : steve, thats not the point. If i had called another girl over to help me during our break, she would have lost her mind, and gotten mad at me, but since she did it, its ok, i hardly see how thats fair. Even if she got mad as a joke. If i get upset at her and johnny i get shit ok, but if i want to do the same thing she is? Im the bad guy

**Tony:** no you wouldnt?? She wouldnt even care. Nat, who id like to believe is a female, is your best friend and she doesnt even blink at it. If you got mad and her and johnny?? You have a right?? 

**Clint** : one, nat and i are literally like siblings and she knows this. Two, her not caring would hurt too. Her not caring would make it seem like she never cared to begin with

**Clint** : i dont care what kind of a relationship she and johnny have, this isnt about their relationship. This is about how she clearly never wanted a relationship, and only wanted someone to warm her bed at night

**Bruce:** i think you got this the wrong way- 

**Clint** : you know what? Fuck you guys. This isnt about me getting it wrong, or me misunderstanding, or any of that crap ok? I’m pouring my heart out to the only few people other than Kate who I thought would care when I’m hurting so badly, but all you guys are doing is making excuses, I don’t want explanations for the situation, I don’t want that, I want comfort, I want to be told I’ll be ok, that I’m strong for admitting my issues and not bottling everything up like I used to, I just want someone other than Kate and Nat (who are physically here for me unlike you all) to be there for me when I just need to let out my feelings and to just, be there, but apparently I wont get that, because I’m obviously not worth it.

**Tony:** wait we’re trying to help out but not in the way you expect. Just give us a chance legolas 

**Steve:** Clint just listen, please? 

**Bruce:** i dont have a phd for this 

_ [Clint has left the chat] _

**Nat:** lmao yall done fucked up


	41. Harley and who???

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harley gets hit on by-

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** update on subway job: i now own it

**America’s Ass:** How? You just started working there? 

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** I honestly dont even know 

**T’Challa:** Once again, you're rich. You could own the entire company. 

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** wheres the fun in that? 

**Pete McYeet:** ugh rich people 

**Pete McYeet:** i fuckin dumpster dive 

**Detective Pikachu** : did you find my heart in there ;;))

**Pete McYeet** : awe!!

**Detective Pikachu** : no i mean literally, it grew back but the old one was dumped

**Walmart Iron Lad:** thats- okay then

**Whoreki:** aye harley, what that mouth do? ;))

**Walmart Iron Lad:** mostly complain 

**Walmart Iron Lad:** i also say the lords prayer jesus christ amen

**Whoreki** : i can make you scream your lords name ;)

**Pete McYeet:** WOW IM READING THIS NEW BOOK CALLED THE BIBLE AND I RECOMMEND IT TO YOU GUYS 

**Whoreki** : peter im literally a norse god-

**Pete McYeet:** IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER THE SON AND THE HOLY SPIRIT

**Walmart Iron Lad** : THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU

**Rat Dad** : you two literally threw a bible to, quote “let jesus take the wheel”

**Detective Pikachu:** hot 

**Pete McYeet** : like you

_ [Pete McYeet has deleted a message] _

**Pete McYeet:** like the sun’s surface

**Walmart Iron Lad:** pussy boi 

**Pete McYeet** : says you

**Whoreki** : he’ll be beggin for jesus after we’re done ;)

**Detective Pikachu:** you stole my line to petey!!!!

**Walmart Iron Lad:** done doin what 

**Pete McYeet:** ^^^^

**Detective Pikachu** : awah! Hes so innocent!!! I’m in love!

**Whoreki** : ill be getting rid of that innocence soon enough

**Walmart Iron Lad:** pete? Yeah hes babey. But me? Oh youll be in for the ride of your life ;))

**Whoreki** : wait no i didnt plan this far ahead

**Walmart Iron Lad** : take me to dinner first lover boy and then we’ll see what happens

**Detective Pikachu:** ooooo i get the soft one!! 

**Pete McYeet** : I’ll web you to a wall so you can do anything for a week

**Rat Dad:** yeah strange is pretty soft too 

**Dumblewhore:** haha why did that get me so hard 

**Dumblewhore:** wait 

**Rat Dad:** oh it got you hard?? 

**Pete McYeet:** why did that  _ what  _

**Rat Dad:** i hate myself 

**Dumblewhore:** IM NOT HARD 

**Dumblewhore:** you know what? Fuck it 

**Dumblewhore:** my spirit dick is rock hard 

**Petty Pepper:** i try to get a full nights sleep but im just too dummy thicc and the clap of my ass cheeks keeps alerting the sleep paralysis demon 

**Natattack:** this is the reason of our divorce 

**Rat Dad** : wait-WAIT. STRANGE STOP BEING HOT FOR TWO SECONDS MY SONS INNOCENCE ARE IN DANGER OF BEING TAINTED BY TWO D E M O N S

_ [Peter Parker has sent a message to Harley Keener]  _

**Peter:** oh fucc they hotttttt


	42. Poptarts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We tired and hungry

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** i want some of thors godly asscheeks 

**Thunder Dick:** shuri im gay 

**Johnnys Lovedove:** still doesnt change what i said 

**Bruce** : :)

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** damn bruce is cute too ngl

**Shuri’s Honeybun:** im literally right here 

**Thunder Dick** : you touch my bruce you will feel the wrath of the gods

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** i ask johnny to heat up my poptarts and he still hasnt come back 

**Shuri’s Honeybun:** in my defense its nice outside of your room 

**Shuri’s Honeybun:** look, a bird

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** fuck you, youre supposed to be comforting me 

**Shuri’s Honeybun:** its been two weeks please free me 

**Rat Dad:** wait,,,,,you and johnny have been together since??? 

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** yeah hes been comforting me and just helping me out in some ways 

**Rat Dad:** okay,,,,

**Shuri’s Honeybun:** ?????

**Rat Dad:** nvm

**CAWCAW:** can you not flirt with everyone for five seconds? 

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** im not?? Im just messing around

**CAWCAW:** uh huh sure 

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** im allowed to joke around barton 

**America’s Ass:** Guys, stop it. 

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** Johnnys back anyways so bye 

**Barnes & Noble: ** johnny was taking long because me and him were eating the poptarts 

**CAWCAW** : hey kate, wanna take ned and america to disney?

**The better Hawkeye:** no not really 

**CAWCAW:** okay cool pack your bags you’ll be gone for five days 

**The better Hawkeye** : okay then sweet im gonna do a romantic disney kiss with meri

**Furby Fucker:** ima throw up cotton candy 

**Pete McYeet** : dont die

**Furby Fucker** : no promises 

**Ms. Chavop:** kiss kiss fall in love 

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** annnnnnnnnnnnddddd johnny left to go do something with his sister 

**T’Challa:** Don’t you have a job to get to?

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** oh fuck im late for work 

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** wait i own it

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** fuck im the manager 

**Ms. Chavop:** before we board the plane, shove a footlong up your ass 

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** will do bro 

**Thunder Dick:** what is pornhub? 

**Whoreki:** who finna tell him 

**Detective Pikachu** : oh mee!! Me!!! I volunteer!!!

**Whoreki:** wait no thats not what i meant- 

**Detective Pikachu:** pornhub is a glorious website that allows you to have access and watch people getting it on in ways that you didnt even know was possible!! A guy suckig someone off while banging into another person??? Yep thats on there. A woman bending in ways that could possibly and should kill a normal human being?? Yep. Theres a whole search bar and it may give you viruses but its alllllll worth it in the end my dear god friend :)) 

**Rat Dad** : please never speak to me or my son(s) ever again

**Thunder Dick:** bruceeeeee wink wonk 

**Bruce:** no 

**Thunder Dick** : :(

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** yeah youre grounded and im taking the phone and laptop 

**Detective Pikachu** : cant ground me if me and my phone happen to accidentally fall off the roof 

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** guess youre stuck in the house for a week then, no friends allowed over 

**Detective Pikachu:** bold of you to assume im not already on the avengers tower roof

**Pete McYeet** : can confirm

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** i can always get you back??? How dare you test me???

**Pete Mcyeet:** his phone broke

**Johnny’s Lovedove** : ?????

**Pete McYeet** : idk man all i heard was someone loudly singing “i believe i can fly” and then a splat

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** i- 

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** well if he gonna be stubborn then he can just stay there 

**Pete Mcyeet** : before you even said that hes already somehow in my bed

**Pete Mcyeet** : hes wearing lingerie what do i do

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** well hes tonys problem now, i have other things to do than worry about a son who hates me 

**Rat Dad** : i bet clint isnt one of them huh

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** no why would he be? 

**Rat Dad** : :) no reason

**Rat Dad** : anyways wade can stay here hes almost at getting my approval...hes like uh, 20% there

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** ima fuck yer shit up stark 


	43. You Can Rest Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haha see what we did there?

**Pete McYeet** : Mr Stark? We won sir you did it 

**Pete McYeet** : Tony I'm sorry 

**Petty Pepper** : you can rest now 

**Rat Dad** : guys fuck you stop telling people im dead 

**Pete McYeet** : its almost as if i can still hear his voice

**Rat Dad** : peter it was only a cookie stop ignoring me or im telling karen to play careless whisper whenever you know who is nearby

**Detective Pikachu:** im never gonna dance again, guilty feet have got no rhythm

**Pete McYeet** : SWOONS

**Whoreki:** though its easy to pretend, i know youre not a fool 

**Walmart Iron Lad** : swOONS

**Rat Dad** : i regret living

**Dumblewhore:** shouldve known better than to cheat a friend and waste the chance that ive been given 

**Rat Dad** : MOANS

**Rat Dad** : i take it back i have 3 reasons to live

**Shuri’s Honeybun:** so im never gonna dance again the way the way i danced with you 

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** shut up 

**Shuri’s Honeybun:** love you too lovedove 

**The better Hawkeye** : :)

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** whatdididofml 

**The better Hawkeye:** live

**T’Challa:** I remind her everyday. 

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** fuck you goat man 

**T’Challa:** I speak every language, but this one is foreign 

**Pete McYeet** : its buzzfeed unsolved. My favorite episode is the one about that dude Peter Quill

**Pete McYeet:** lmao remember when they came to earth and while they stayed at the tower and Quill said Mr thor wasnt good looking???

**Thunder Dick:** he did what now 

**Bruce** : i suddenly feel the need to find this man

**Thunder Dick:** women and men of all kind swoon at my simple appearance and some call me the god of seduction. How dare this wimpy space man insult me this way. 

**Bruce** : dont worry hun, hes just jealous youre getting laid more than himq

**Pete McYeet:** true 

**Pete McYeet:** thor is pretty good looking *coughs* 

**Detective Pikachu** : would you be uncomfortable if i wore a thor mask tonight 

**Pete McYeet:** yes 

**Detective Pikachu:** so you dont find me hot baby boy? :(

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** some subway customers are fucking mean 

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** “you got my order wrong” no ma’am im pretty sure i heard you say that youre a rude bitch and wanted me to spit in your food 

**America’s Ass:** Shuri no please. 

**Barnes & Noble: ** I WASNT RUDE I SIMPLY CORRECTED YOUR MISTAKE 

**Barnes & Noble: ** she calls me Karen now 

**Pete McYeet** : no wade! I think you’re super hot!

**Pete Mcyeet** : wait fuck

_ [Pete Mcyeet has deleted two messages] _

**Pete McYeet** : i wanna kiss your pretty face

**Pete McYeet** : fUCK

_ [Pete McYeet has deleted two messages] _

**Pete McYeet** : no wade i dont think that!

**Walmart Iron lad:** little does he know, i have screenshots 

**Detective Pikachu:** i couldnt get them in time, would you be kind enough to send them to me 

**Detective Pikachu** : i was also too busy trying NOT to get a sword in my pants while reading it

**Rat Dad:** better mean the fuckin katana 

**Detective Pikachu:** ;))


	44. Anime Big Titty Goth Gf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is he wrong tho-

**Shuri’s Honeybun:** wow shuri really be my anime big titty goth gf huh? 

**Barnes & Noble: ** i want to disagree so bad but youre so right 

**CAWCAW:** her tits arent THAT big stfu 

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** i- 

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** im not even gonna call him out 

**Shuri’s Honeybun:** wanna make a giant fort and place a laptop in the middle and watch disney movies while cuddling til we die? 

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** you make me soft!!! 

**Shuri’s Honeybun:** you make me softer 

**Barnes & Noble: ** *record scratch* 

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** thats rude 

**Shuri’s Honeybun:** i am softest 

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** am i not pretty enough 

**Rat Dad:** oh god here she goes 

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** are you seeing other people 

**Shuri’s Honeybun:** you are fucking beautiful 

**Shuri’s Honeybun:** gorgeous 

**Shuri’s Honeybun:** WAIT WHAT 

**America’s Ass:** Now he caught on. 

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** YOU SAID I MAKE YOU SOFT 

**Shuri’s Honeybun:** SHURI JAJAHAJSBA 

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** I SHOULD MAKE YOU HARD DAMMIT 

**Shuri’s Honeybun:** OH MY FUCKING GOD 

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** WHAT ARE YOU DOING 

**Shuri’s Honeybun:** SHURI FUCKING BARNES-ROGERS 

**Detective Pikachu:** i highly doubt shes fucking her dads :///

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** its times like these when im glad to call you my son 

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** but when you do some stupid shit,,,,youre clints 

**Detective Pikachu** : guess im always clints then better move out and into peteys room

**Furby Fucker** : i-

**CAWCAW:** i cant find lucky 

**The better Hawkeye** : oh i took him to the tower bc meri was lonely

**CAWCAW:** um no hes MY dog thank you very much 

**The better Hawkeye** : therapy dog, and im omw now you debby downer

**CAWCAW:** im the life of every party the fuck you mean 

**The better Hawkeye** : doubtful 

**CAWCAW:** ILL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT BACK IN MY DAY I WAS THE COOLEST KID AT THE CIRCUS 

**The better Hawkeye** : lol k btw lucky is in ur room i had meri portal him back

**CAWCAW:** dont talk to me or my emotional support rat 

**The better Hawekeye** : :/

**CAWCAW:** you better be home by 10 

**Ms. Chavhop** : clint its 9:50

**Shuri’s Honeybun:** did the man stutter 

**Ms.Chavhop** : clint can i sleep over

**CAWCAW:** hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm sure okay 

**Ms.Chavhop** : k cool  **@Rat Dad** ill be gone bye dad

**Ms Chavhop** : wait fuck

_ [Ms.Chavhop has deleted a message] _

**Rat Dad:** DUMB FUCK I SAW THAT SHANSBAJBSBAA 

**Rat Dad:** SAY IT AGAIN OR YOU CANT GO 

**Ms.Chavhop** : shit ok sorry dad

**Dumblwhore:** hes sobbing 

**Rat Dad** : DONT OUT ME LIKE THIS OR IM NOT SUCCING

**Dumblewhore:** wait no

**Petty Pepper:** yall ever notice how one of them is on when the other is off like come on my name has the word petty in it not theirs 

**Thunder Dick:** what a queen 

**Bruce** : ugh we stan

**Rat Dad** : who let those two hang out with harley and peter???

**Barnes & Noble: ** pepper god damn why you gotta out them like that 

**America’s Ass** : I think thats what the kids would call, uh, what was it? Not very cash money?

**CAWCAW:** ill have you know that im not being petty im just keeping my distance because i can not let go about the fact that- OH MY GOD I AM PETTY 

**Whoreki** : damn i wish harley would cash my money ;;))

**Barnes & Noble: ** STEVE JSHSHAHSJAJ UGH YOUR MIND 

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** *coughs*pettybitchboy*coughs*

**CAWCAW** : *coughs*lyingbitchwhocantcommittosaveherlife*coughs*

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** *coughs*bitchasswhodoesntevenunderstandsohebeterstfubeforeibeathisbirdass*coughs*

**CAWCAW** : hey kate help me get a new toy for lucky

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** i know you aint ignoring me rigt now must be my imagination fucking with me 

**CAWCAW** : ned, i wanna get you a new lego set, which one was it you wanted?

**Shuri’s Honeybun:** hey woah now thats not very cash money of you guys 

**America’s Ass** :Ii already used that one!

**Johnny’s Lovedove:** i know where birdboy lives, i can make his life more miserable than it already is 

**Barnes & Noble: ** now now shuri i know i taught you to murder your enimies but now is not the time 

**Shuri’s Honeybun:** tsk i lost shuri 

**Furby Fucker** : GET ME ALL THE LEGOS DAD PLS ILY

**CAWCAW** : will do kiddo

**Furby Fucker** : :OO


	45. Lmao We Tired

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time is always special

**Rat Dad:** ugh sad 

**Dumblewhore:** be happy, dove 

**Rat Dad:** ugh happy and soft 

**Dumblewhore:** ;)) 

**Barnes & Noble: ** wish steve gave me a pet name 

**America’s Ass:** Sorry I’m not good enough for you babycakes. 

**Barnes & Noble: ** fuck me. right now. 

**Detective Pikachu** : hey baby boy~

**Pete McYeet** : wade nOW ISNT THE TIME TO MAKE ME BLUSH IM IN CLASS

**Whoreki** : harley, baby, snake, honeypie

**Walmart Iron Lad** : fuck im weak

**Ms.Chavhop** : mi amour, angél

**The better Hawkeye:** f u c k

_ [Johnny’s Lovedove has changed their name to Snuri]  _

**Snuri:** ah pet names, always the best 

_ [Shuri’s Honeybun has changed their name to LITten]  _

**Pete McYeet** : pokemon gang back in action 

**LITten:** shuriiii lemme give you a pet name

**Snuri:** okay 

**LITten:** baby girl, darling, baby, honey, sweetie, sugar, kitten

**Snuri:** dont use kitten

**Snuri:** e v e r 

**LITten:** may i ask why? 

**Snuri:** i uh, it just doesnt feel right sorry 

**Natattack:** *cough* 

**Barnes & Noble: ** at least shes civil 

**Natattack:** clints asking for his sweatpants back 

**Snuri:** idk can i have my virginity back? 

**CAWCAW:** okay first of all- 

**Rat Dad:** wait

**America’s Ass:** Hold up. 

**The better Hawkeye:** shuri wasnt-?

**Snuri:** yeah yeah i was pure or whatever when i met clint 

**Natattack:** not even i knew this 

**CAWCAW:** yeah not that special anyways i just want my clothes back 

**Snuri:** okay 

**Barnes & Noble: ** oh-

6:30 pm 

**Pete McYeet:** the cats trailer is my only fear 

**Detective Pikachu:** oh no hes been corrupted and i had nothing to do with it 

**Rat Dad:** get back to bed 

3:00 am 

**America’s Ass:** Has anyone seen Shuri?

**Barnes & Noble: ** she hasnt returned from returning the pants 

**CAWCAW:** nope, havent seen her 

**Furby Fucker:** alright time to go feral 

**Pete Mcyeet:** ned no please-

**Detective Pikachu:** WHERE THE FUCK IS MY MOM 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry these updates will be very slow and kinda weird because we have shit planned. Also i work at subway so give me a b r e a k. Lico works at some fish place and has college so yeah we have shit on our plate. We will try to update more. WE WILL NOT ABANDON THIS FIC WE WILL FINISH THIS.


	46. Ned and ????

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess whos back. Back again

**Snuri:** guys im okay im just hangin out at Johnny’s for awhile 

**Barnes & Noble: ** come back home now do you have any idea how worried me and your father were???

**Snuri** : yeah im not comin back anytime soon, kinda stuck here 

**LITten:** yeah i kinda live in the middle of nowhere 

**Ms.Chavhop** : i just realized how uncomfortable steves name makes me 

**America’s Ass:** oh my god i never noticed i am so sorry

**Ms.Chavhop** : lmao its cool

_ [Rat Dad has changed America’s Ass’s name to Capcicle] _

**Capcicle** : ok thats fair

**Barnes & Noble** : can i lick your popcicle 

**Capcicle** : and away i go

**Detective Pikachu** : Only 45 chapters and they just noticed the name thing

**Pete McYeet** : harley ned come over

**Whoreki** : oh?? Cheating??

**Detective Pikachu** : sobs I thought we had something special

**Pete McYeet:** nO I NEED THEM TO COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW GAY I AM FOR YOU

**Pete McYeet** : WAIT SHIT

**Detective Pikachu** : TOO LATE BABY BOY IM ON MY WAY YOUR ASS IS MINE

**Rat Dad** : dONT YOU FUCKING DARE

**Walmart Iron Lad** : I-

**Whoreki** : :) look outside your window

**Walmart Iron Lad** : oh god oh fuck

**Furby Fucker** : oh btw betty and i are goin out

**Pete McYeet** : wHAT

**Walmart Iron Lad** : BITCH SINCE WHEN???

**Furby Fucker** : like uh

**Furby Fucker** : 10 minutes ago

**Pete McYeet** : w t FJSBDZBCBBSSNDB wADEN O OWJDHSBDBESH

**Walmart Iron Lad:** lamo fAndnfbsbsbssb

**Furby Fucker** : lmao they dead

**Rat Dad** : Loki and Wade broke in and now they’re making out with my sons why is this my life. Thank god my daughter has SOME dignity 

**Ms.Chavhop** : si, idk why i gotta be the most responsible smh

**The better Hawkeye** : meri im coming over

**Ms.Chavhop** : k cool i’ll be in my room 

**Rat Dad** : responsible

**Pete McYeet** : i resent that

**Rat Dad** : good 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh btw we have a discord server, if you're interested, say what character you'd wanna be along with your discord name and we'll dm you an invite as long as the character isnt taken uwu


	47. Heh....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just read please

So me and Lico, like I’ve said, have been kinda busy and we don’t plan on leaving this unfinished. As we’ve said in a chapter we made a server on discord and we need more people to join. It’ll help give us inspiration and ideas for this fic. 

Harley, Peter, Shuri, and America are the only ones taken. So there are plenty of characters to choose from! Contact us at either Drugs and Candy #7422 (thats me) or Samwitch #9519 (lico) 

Thank you for taking the time to read this and we will try to update soon! 

Love yall!


	48. Oop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its short but we have something special for y’all

**Capcicle:** Shuri please come home I made waffles. 

**Snuri** : omw 

**Barnes & Noble: ** you couldnt have done this yesterday? 

**Capcicle:** I didn’t have my waffle material yesterday. 

**Snuri:** Omw

**LITten:** she deadass just left 

**CAWCAW:** of course, all she does is eat 

**Snuri** : you trying to say something Clinton? 

**CAWCAW;** maybe 

**Snuri:** im offended and now a clint nazi

**CAWCAW:** oh so you want to kill me? Damn okay 

**Snuri:** nah I just hate you 

**CAWCAW:** hate you too 

**Snuri:** anti clint 

**CAWCAW:** clintist, racist but with me 

**Ms.Chavop:** i- 

**Rat Dad:** can you please stop hate fucking in the chat 

**Capsicle:** i dont think she can do that 

**Snuri:** um about that 

**Barnes & Noble: ** what?

12:00 am 

**Natattack:** gys hlp clint s hurt nd idk wat to do


	49. I’m Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moment y’all been waiting for. I take only 1% of the credit because i only came up with a few ideas. Lico is the one who worked her ass off for it and deserves the other 99% of the credit! Much love for her!

Shuri rushes into the room wearing a large hoodie, too big for her body, and despite the yelling coming from behind her, the nurses yelling to slow down, to stop because the patient needs rest young lady which obviously caused Shuri to run faster. She slam the door open and rush to the bedside, quickly grabbing onto the pale hand that lays limply on the bed.

Shuri chokes out a sob “I’m sorry.” Leaning down, she pampers kisses on the blonde’s forehead and leans down so her head rests on his muscled chest. Shuri falls asleep to the soft beating of his heart, and the comforting feeling of his chest moving up and down.

Years pass, not really, but to Shuri, it feels that way. As each day passes, Shuri becomes more, and more restless. She barely eats, barely sleeps, barely does anything except watch the peaceful expression of Clint resting on the hospital bed. Shuri startles when Clint lets out a groan from the bed, automatically going to his side. She takes his hand and stares at him with wide, worried eyes. “Clint?” She asks. 

“Are you okay?”

Clint’s eyes are hazy, and unfocused, they stare through Shuri and not at her, then, his eyes meet hers, and his eyes water, if only slightly. “Why do you hate me so much?” He whispers just loud enough for Shuri to hear, then his eyes droop back shut, and his breathing evens out into sleep once more.

Another four days pass with Shuri being unable to do anything else but watch Clint. There are moments when Steve, or Bucky are able to coax her into eating something, anything really.

At one point, Natasha walks in on Shuri trying to get into the bed with a comatose Clint, only to be forcefully pulled from the bed, and shoved out of the room.

“You have no right to be here.”

“Says the one who hasn’t been by his side every fucking day!” Shuri growls out, only to then find herself slammed against the wall, a fist on the front of their shirt, being stared down by angry brown eyes.

“Yeah? How about the one who’s constantly talking to doctors and nurses, making sure the Avengers aren’t falling apart, and his kids are taken care of huh? What right do you have to be here, when you’re the one who put him here in the first place?”

“What...what are you talking about?”

Natasha sighed and released Shuri, but the glare did not falter. Natasha crossed her arms. “We were on a mission, and he was so focused on how upset you made him, that he didn’t notice the bomb hadn’t been dismantled. He was so sad all the time because of how you treated him, that he ended up getting hurt. So tell me, Ms. “I’ve been by his side,” who’s really the one who’s been there for him, you, or me?”

Shuri faltered, and bit back the tears building up in her eyes. “You don’t think I know that? You don’t think I sit there, holding his hand each and every day, not hating myself for not realizing how terrible I was to him sooner? I want so badly to apologize, knowing he may never forgive me, but…”

“But?”

“But I love him, I never stopped loving him, and I think I was so afraid of that, that I just...pushed him away before I could get attached, but it was too late when I realized I already was.”

Natasha sighed, and the glare dropped, and she gave Shuri a sad smile. “Why didn’t you just say so? You know, for a genius, you really are an idiot.”

Shuri laughed half-heartedly. “You’re right Nat, you always are.”

Another day passed the next, and last, time Clint woke up. Shuri had been sitting by his side, reading, when she heard it.

“Shu-ri?”

Shuri shot up, eyes widening and staring at the ones that stare at him, now wide awake, quickly putting on his hearing aids, and her first thought was to slap his arm. 

“Clinton Francis Barton you absolute idiot! How fucking dare you put yourself in the hospital?” No, no, no that's not what she wanted to say, mouth, stop moving, please. “How stupid do you have to be to go and get yourself blown up? What? Did you kill a few more brain cells before you decided to go on your mission? God, I spent my time here with an idiot, only for him to-”

“Shut up.”

Shuri stopped. “Wh-?”

“I said shut up.” Clint glares at Shuri, the glare having underlying sadness. “You don’t get to talk to me like that anymore, ok? I dealt with your...fuck, your abuse for too long now. What did I do to you to make you hate me so much? Christ, I tried so hard for you, played stupid so much, just so that I could surprise you with nice things. You really thought I was so stupid I didn’t know you wanted to get married? Why do you think I kept getting you little presents here and there? God, that’s besides the point, I’m getting off track. My point is, stop treating me like garbage, I don’t deserve to be treated like I’m worthless, I feel that way about myself enough already. If all you’re here for is to talk down to me, then just leave, I don’t want to hear it.”

“N-No, I didn’t-I didn’t mean it!”

“Yeah? Then what did you mean?”

“I was so terrified I acted with the first thing that came to mind?”

“Hitting me is the first thing that came to mind, wow.”

“No-I mean yes-I mean. UGH! I’m scared okay? I’m scared of loving someone so much, getting so close to them, and not wanting to let go, that instead, I just push them away! I love you! So much it hurts, all I want is to be with you, stay by your side, support you, grow old with you, and just...fuck...I’m so sorry...I was really awful, wasn’t I?”

Clint gave them a strained smirk. “Yeah, you kinda were, but I love that about you, so I guess I’m the fool.”

Shuri’s eyes teared up, and she launched herself into Clint’s waiting arms, Clint himself only letting out a small grunt of discomfort when his wounds received added pressure. He wraps Shuri in his arms and rubs her head lightly, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

The two fell asleep in each others arms, and when Nat came in to check on the two, she had a few more pictures saved onto her phone.


	50. Our Grand Return from Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Listen, don't be mad. We kinda died, but we back dont worry. We'll try to update more i swear

**Snuri** : guess who got a new bf

**Capsicle** : Again

**Barnes & Noble** : who is it this time? Noh-Varr?

**The Better Hawkeye:** NO GROSS EW 

**Ms.Chavop:** kate dated him, realized she was the only ‘straight’ one on the team, and then i called her princess 

**The Better Hawkeye:** shutupshutupimblushing

**Snuri** : can-can i fucking speak 

**Whoreki** : no

**Snuri** : youre not valid

**Whoreki** : we know

**Ms.Chavop:** loki stop being self deprecating for TWO SECONDS

**Snuri:** ANYWAYS

**Snuri** : its clint you fucktards 

**CAWCAW** : :D

**Snuri** : see that idiot? thats my idiot and i wove him uwu 

**Pete McYeet:** die

**Detective Pikachu:** thats my job bby boy ;;(((

**Walmart Iron Lad** : i stg you take my little brothers virginity and ill circumcise you

**Snuri:** i-

**CAWCAW:** hey shuri we should sext i’ll start

**CAWCAW: *** slowly takes off the crocs *****

**CAWCAW:** thats all

**Rat Dad** : see @Dumblewhore this is what a man wants

**Dumblewhore** : i’ll get the rope

**Rat Dad** : ;))))

**Natattack** : THERE ARE CHILDREN HERE

**Natattack:** WHAT IF STEVE SAW THIS? 

**Capsicle:** What??? What does children have to do with me?

**Barnes & Noble** : shes calling you a fucking baby

**Capsicle** : Fair enough. 

**Snuri:** why is nobody talking about me and clint getting back? i expected to be yelled at-

**Furby Fucker** : im with betty :((

**Pete McYeet:** im with wade

**Detective Pikachu** : im with bubble butt

**Ms.Chavhop:** im with kate

**The Better Hawkeye** : im with meri

**Capsicle** : I’m with Bucky

**Barnes & Noble** : im with steve

**Rat Dad:** im with magic man and the others are ignoring the chat

**Walmart Iron Lad:** im with loki

**Whoreki** : its bc ur like every taylor swift song, a breakup, cry, and new relationship. Oh also im with harley

**Snuri:** ...youve become valid 

**Whoreki** : :^)

**Rat Dad** : you’re fucking what

**Walmart Iron Lad** : oh wouldya look at the time i have band practice

**Pete McYeet:** youre not in band?????

**Walmart Iron Lad** : i am now, i like to put my mouth on my claranet

**Whoreki** : ;;) 


	51. Falcon has arrived!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If yall were wondering about Sam~

**[Sam Wilson has entered the chat]**

**Sam Wilson** : hey!! Why did no one tell me about this?? :((

**[Barnes & Noble has kicked Sam Wilson]**

**Barnes & Noble** : no

  
  



End file.
